Don't Forget to Like and Comment!

Oh my god you guys. No plans tonight? Nothing on TV? No worries.  I got you covered. Tuck in the kids. Pour yourself a glass of wine and grab your ipad and/or Iphone And check out the photos and videos the kids have made when you weren’t watching. Some one the best entertainment you will ever see. For real.

My fiancé and I did this the other night and we laughed until we peed.

The photos/videos fell into one of the following categories:

·       5% Coughing- Anyone and everyone get captured doing this. For some reason this seems important to get on camera. (My coughing face is super sexy by the way.)

·       10 % Me on my phone- Yeah. It’s probably a sign I need to put that shit down.

·       20% Super close up on their faces- Extreme close ups seem the go to camera angle for kids. They are cute faces but I really don’t need to see up your nose.

·       30% Butts (clothed don’t worry)- “Now your turn!” “Now your turn!” (This where I started to lose bladder control.)

·      10 % The TV- Because a video of a TV playing a video is awesome.

·      5% Peppa Pig impersonations- They kind of nailed this. Their English accents are awesome.

·      20 % Practicing their toy bin/egg surprise youtube videos

Okay we need to talk about these toy bin/egg surprise youtube videos.

Are you aware of these? Basically they are videos of people opening toys, showing you toy and playing with the toys. My kids are into watching videos of people playing with toys. Yep. Ummmm. That’s bad right? They are obsessed with these videos so much that they now make them. And they are hilarious. The videos on the iPad are ten minutes long each. And as for me, I’m wandering around the background of these videos making dinner usually. Love Monster (sometimes with her side-kick Smirker) perfectly props up the iPad  and “unwraps” toys and describes them for the viewer. They end the video with the usual “Don’t forget to like and comment!” I don’t think they know what that means. My favorite part in one of the videos was  I called out ‘Time for dinner!” in the background when Love Monster was in the middle of her spiel.

She leaned in really close to the iPad camera and said this. “Sorry guys that’s my mom.” And you know the tone. She nailed it. Never felt more like a mom then in that moment.  

I wasn’t the only one who got that treatement. Smirker would be dancing in the background bored of these videos and LM would say, “That’s my crazy sister.”

Well if that wasn’t the best entertainment with a bottle of wine in a while I don’t know what is.

What have I learned from this experience?

The girls know the internet too well. I need to keep vigilant on that shit.

My girls hare hilarious. I knew this already but this confirmed it.

They are great on camera. Again this isn’t good. I don’t think.

We need to not watch youtube. How about actually playing with toys? Or even going outside. Yeah let’s try that.

And the big one, during dinner I should pay attention more. They are doing stuff. Good thing I at least have the parental controls on those things! And also, they are extra super hilarious and amazing when you aren’t watching. I think one of the fun things about watching these is they are being authentically themselves. And they are awesome.

Happy watching! Please report back what you find.

Letting Them Fail: When to hang up the super mom cape

I jump to Love Monster’s defense a lot. I always have. I knew early on that her impulse control issues were more then the average 2 or 3 year old. My suspicions were confirmed after a few therapists agreed she presented the symptoms of ADHD and sensory issues. So I’ve jump to her defense when the word bully was thrown around. But over the last few years she’s made astounding progress. She knows how to control her impulses much better. But sometimes issues pop up and surprise me, reminding me she has trouble with it sometimes. I am particularly protective of her. I feel like she is misunderstood at times. I wish I could morph into super-mom in a killer teal and white full body leotard and shoot protection candy coating out of my wrists and shield my daughters with a wall of their favorite bubble gum flavored candy. Pew! Mean kid. Pew! Bad spelling test. Pew! That curb that came out nowhere. They would think I was so cool. Forget that negative craziness. Look kids! Candy! Pew! Pew! I love making that noise.

I was scared a lot I think as a kid. Besides of the usual no ones likes me, I suck at everything worries I had, I was fairly sure the wave pool would be my demise. And the dark. Of course. But now I’m older and I’m not quite as scared and I just stay away from stupid wave pools and I become super mom with the protecting candy coating power. I don’t want them to have that fear. So I do my best to not let them fail. That was my biggest fear. Bigger then the wave pool. Failing.

Recently I was talking to someone. Love Monster was playing behind the person I was talking to. She locked eyes with me, smiled a sweet smile and snuck over and blew the biggest raspberry in this someone’s face. This person was pissed. Very pissed. Should LM have done that? No. Did she mean to do something bad? Nope. She was having fun and showing her love. I corrected her (I know you do not spit in people's faces), but I also knew her intent. And when her face crumbed not understanding that she did something wrong, I went into super mom mode, but my super candy coating power was too late.

“When I was six I knew better,” my friend said wiping spit off their face.

“She has issues!” I said back very upset.

And though this is true, it got me thinking.

I won’t always be there to jump to her defense.

Protecting Love Monster (and Smirker for that matter) from failure or making mistakes is not always the right thing to do. They are not always going to get things right. (Duh. They insist on proving this point constantly.) They need to learn how to take responsibility for themselves. This may be super obvious to you. Maybe it should be to me, but after years of seeing people misinterpret my daughter, my protectiveness became an impulse.  And shielding her from the consequences became the norm.

Letting your kids fail…. A necessary lesson? I think so. Sometimes. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to watch. But the magic is in the after.

I read on another blog, "Failure is an opportunity to get your child to look at himself."

I really liked that. We see our kids failing as this horrible thing. She’s gonna hate herself. Self-esteem is everything. The pain on their faces. No way. I don’t want that. But thinking about it as an opportunity. An opportunity to look at themselves…. and learn. Even instill self confidence and self-appreciation. So when you aren’t there and they fail, they will be equipt to no only deal with it, but grow from it. I’ve made countless mistakes. I must be one incredible human being. (I kid! But man have I learned a lot.)

Love Monster can handle it now. I know she can. She’s smart and stronger then I give her credit for.

2 out of 10  on the spelling test? No not going to ask the teacher if she can take it again. That’s what she got and it’s okay that she won’t get her treat this week for doing well. We’ll practice the words and next time it will be better.

Next time she acts out, I won’t jump to her “issues” to being the cause. Yes the issues exist, but so does the smart growing girl who is learning how to control them.

But hell if I ever let them near a wave pool.

I trust my non-crazy instincts will know when I really should interfere. And when I shouldn’t, I will restrain my super mom powers and let my girls develop super powers of their own. But I will still pew the hell out of that mean kid. And by pew I mean kill em with ever lovin’ kindness. The extra gooey kind.

                                        This was the best super mom type picture I have.

                                         Battlestar Galactica Viper pilot, Code name: Fox 

                                                        San Diego Comic Con 2013

                                                          Yep I'm nerdy so what???

My plan to get my girls to talk to me when they are teenagers

Oh you’re already laughing. I can tell. Shut up! I’m serious. I’m going to make this happen. Hear me out, ‘kay?

Growing up I was about as open as Cersi in Game of Thrones. I look back and wish things were different with my parents. Particularly my mom. I was not easy to say the least. I was an enigma as only a teenage daughter can be. Why did I shut down? I don’t know. I felt when they asked me how my day was, it was prying. When they said, “Let’s talk.” The walls went up hard core. I always felt like it was scheduled. Now is the time you tell us all the intimate details of your life and we will judge you and tell you your choices are wrong.  Now of course I know that's not true. My parents are the nicest, most loving people. But from a teenager’s perspective the parents are the enemy. They are the people hindering you from growing up. You are their kid. Forever their kid.

So now.… what can I do so this doesn’t happen with my girls? And I have two of me. Oy. Is it too much to ask for the Lorelai/Rory relationship?? Probably. I already see the signs. I ask them what they did at school, they say they don’t want to talk about it. They go to their room and don’t want me to come in. In fact Love Monster was mad at me the other day because I asked her to practice her spelling words. (I really am such a tyrant.)  She ran to her room and slammed the door. I didn't follow her so she re-slammed the door to make sure I got the message. Geez.

What can I do?

I will listen to them. When they talk, I listen.

I will not judge them. Be open.

I will tell them every day that they are important. And I will show them everyday that they are important by putting them before my to do lists.

I will sing them the goodnight song every night. “Good night good night again I say good night. I love the Love  Monster/Smirker I love her face. I want to kiss her all over the place.” Then kiss them like crazy.

I will never shame them.

I will compliment them on their smarts and strength not just their beauty.

I will not yell. I will not yell. I will not yell.

I will let them be themselves. Every bit themselves.

I will not make talking intimidating or scheduled. It will be over dinner, folding laundry, walks to the park, everywhere and anywhere.

And I will hope that when their clock strikes thirteen the walls will stay down. That they will trust in the foundation we’ve built. And talk to me. And if they don't, know that they will come back to me. And be open and ready when that moment comes.

I really enjoy having a plan by the way. I blame my mom. But you know what happens with best laid plans…. I don’t want them to be like I was. I had an iron wall around me and no one got in. Especially her. My mom. And it didn't feel good. Now to put on some Gilmore Girls and fantasize a bit….

Every Mom has a Breaking Point: Part Two

I saw a mom in Target the other day. She was down the aisle from me trying to pick out some body wash. She had two kids with her and she was hanging on by a thread. Her toddler was crying. The (maybe) seven year old was touching everything in sight. “Stop it!” she snapped.

Another woman in the aisle with us shook her head disapprovingly.

Me? I wanted to hug that frazzled mom. I wanted to hug her and tell her, “We’re not perfect. You’re having a bad day. It’s okay. Let’s go get an Icee.” I should have, but I didn’t. She hurried away clearly having lost it, feeling the daggers from the other woman in the aisle.

A couple years ago I would have been that other woman in the aisle. Easily.

But then I was judged and was called a bad mom and that reeled me in hardcore.

Try not to judge

I’m tired of that judgmental reaction so perfectly displayed by the woman in Target. I’m tired of the lack of compassion I see. I used to make many judgments of moms. Before I became a mom. After I became a mom.

I saw parents with their kids on leashes and thought that was horrible. Now I know better.

“Oh their parents need to just teach them that’s not okay!” I’ve heard other moms say.

Oh it’s as simple as that is it? That kid on a leash might be a “runner.” They might be autistic or have impulse control issues. That leash might save them from running into the street and getting hit by a car. It might save them from getting lost in the crowd. Do not judge. Don’t rush to blame parents for their kid’s behavior. It may not necessarily be their fault.

Be kind

There are quotes flying around facebook: “You can be right or be kind. If you choose to be kind, you will always be right.” and “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I don’t care who thinks it’s cheesy. It is gospel. We tear each other down. Let’s stop. Be kind.

Think: What if it was me?

I hear a lot of, “That would NEVER happen to me.” “I would NEVER do that.” I call bullshit. You don’t KNOW. I saw a horrific story about parents who had left their kids in the backseat accidentally and their children died from the heat. And you know how many comments were, “I would NEVER do that!” ?  Most of them and that broke my heart. You don’t KNOW. But these parents who thought their children were somewhere safe are now raising awareness to the fact that things like this can happen to anyone.

Please just take a second to think when you feel that rush to judgment: What if it was me?

We make mistakes. Sometimes huge ones. We have to forgive each other and ourselves.

Have tolerance.

We parents, for the most part, are doing the best we can. Things aren’t going to go right all the time. The parents shoveling down their dinner while their newborn baby is crying hysterically in the restaurant? Be tolerant. Remember when that was you? This might be the only time they get out of the house this week.

It takes a village.

Yes. More cheesy-ness! Bring it on. We’re all in this together. Why do you think there are so many mom blogs? We want to feel less alone. All this judgment isolates us. That is not what we need. As mothers. As people. In this world of billions we can’t try to claim our own little corner and want to be better then everyone else. We’re in this together and that’s nice isn’t it? And if you are judgmental, I hope you’re don’t think I’m judging you. We all have reasons why we do the things we do. Anyone can change. Maybe next time you see that mom or dad struggling with their kids in the grocery store, offer up a little compassion (even if it’s silently). It makes all the difference. It can turn it all around. Not to mention, you’re kids soak up everything you do. If you are kind, they will be. It’s win-win, when you’re nice it feels good. Try it, lady-in-the-aisle-at-Target.

Here is a link to part of one this blog first published on Mamiverse:

http://www.mamiverse.com/mom-breaking-point-42805

The Early Bird gets the Ice Cream: Love Monster's Birth Story

Oh my dear Love Monster. I remember when you were more dream then real. My first born growing in my belly. We didn't know if you were a boy or girl. But I knew you. The connection felt so strong even before I held you in my arms.

The pregnancy was more eventful then I would have liked. I had gestational diabetes and was put on a diet for the first time in my life. I had never been a dessert person before but suddenly I craved cakes and pies and cookies and ice cream, pounds and pounds of ice cream, which I could not have. I gained about 50 pounds which on my small (110 lb pre baby) frame was a bit shocking. Secretly I liked the weight. I've always been very insecure with my thin body and the fleshy curves made me feel more womanly then I did before.

At the six month mark I got in a bad car accident. Driving home from the theatre about half way home, the breaks went out in my car. I swerved to the left so I wouldn't hit the person in front of me and prayed no one was in my path. Thankfully no one was. But the median came hurdling toward me. I still remember the calm panic I felt in those seconds before I hit the wall. It was a strange combo of deep fear and easy surrender. I have no doubt the fact that the Volvo I was in saved my life. My car was crushed all around the "cage" that protects people in the car. I remember getting out and standing in the car pool lane. The woman behind me was hysterical and on the phone. She was calling my then husband screaming she thought my arm was broken. The police woman talking to me was not compassionate at all. A man who had gotten out of the car was telling another police officer I was driving crazy. (MY F'ing BREAKS WENT OUT DUMB ASS!!!!!! Eyewitnesses suck.) Finally the paramedics took me to the hospital. All I had was bumps and bruises. I was very obviously pregnant but no one asked me about the baby. I remember thinking that was so weird. Finally I asked them to check. They said, "Have you felt the baby move?" I said "I think so. But please don't take my word for it!" Finally I got them to check. Love Monster's heartbeat was the sweetest sound. I drive past my accident spot everyday and it still scares me a bit.

Anyway I digress, basically the pregnancy had it's moments.

February 7, 2007- I had five weeks to go. Plenty of time to rest, organize, mentally prepare and take the birthing class. I had just started my maternity leave from teaching. I was eating a turkey sandwich at Corner Bakery with Love Monster's dad when I peed my pants. At least I thought I had. I didn't think much of it.  LM's dad went to work. I mean peeing yourself happens to preggo chicks, but something didn't seem right. I listened to that voice in my head and called the doc.

She asked "Did you have to change your panties?"

"Yep."

She told me to come in. She looked at the fluid under a microscope.

"Hey check this out!" She said. I looked at all the cellular type nonsense through the lens. "That's your amniotic fluid. Your water broke."

"So what does that mean?" I said. Denial was in full swing.

"That's means your going over the hospital right now and having a baby."

Well shit.

I called LM's dad who had just pulled into work and he turned right around and came to the hospital. It did not feel real at all. I had had no contractions. My bag was packed but only because I'm a Virgo and I am the queen of being prepared, but was I prepared mentally? No way.

"Is this okay?" I asked the doctor.

"It's early. But it will be fine," she said smiling. "Your baby just wants to get here."

Now looking back I don't know if this was her not trying to freak me out and maybe this could be bad, but I'm grateful for her, because I didn't worry. And knowing LM like I know her now, her coming early makes total sense. She waits for no one.

3:00 pm- At the hospital it took an intern about 7 tries to get the IV in so that was awesome.

The day went by uneventfully. No contractions were happening. Finally at Midnight they gave me Pitocin to get things going. Boy did that kick things into gear. I got my epidural a couple hours later and waited. Waited for you, my Love Monster.

The epidural only worked on half my body. I could feel the contractions, but I could handle it. Sleep eluded me. The night was quiet except for the occasional scream from preggos becoming mamas down the hall. Laughter from the nurses station which annoyed me.  And the beep of the machines around me.

"I think it's time," I whispered to LM's dad around 6:55am.

He ran out to get the nurses. She checked me and boy was I right. LM's head was right there. I had not seen my doctor since my visit to her office. They called her and said she was on her way.

"Wait to push okay?" The nurse said.

Yeah okay right!!

I couldn't wait. Two more nurses came in. One held my hand.

"I didn't take the birthing class," I told her a little panicked.

"Aww girl you don't need those classes. I gotcha," she said and she totally did.

An intern was on the side of the bed watching nervously. Another nurse was ready to catch.

PUSH! I did. And I was way too efficient.

"Wait! The doctor isn't here yet."

Have you every tried to keep a baby in? Yeah that doesn't really work. LM wanted out.

The doc came in on my last push. I pushed a total of 5 minutes. 7:16 am February 8th. Love Monster was here.

Suddenly there was a million people in the room. The NICU team took LM right away to the bassinet and was making sure she was okay.

The intern was very emotional. "This was my first birth!" She said.

"What is it?" I yelled to the doctor getting up on my elbows.

They looked at me puzzled.

"Boy or girl??"

"Girl!!!" They said smiling.

"Are you sure?" I said partially to myself.

I was sure I'd have a boy. I sunk back into the bed absorbing it all. A girl. I really had wanted a girl.

Even though I know she'll hate me in high school.

Finally they let me hold her. She looked like a little eskimo.

She was tiny. I didn't get to hold her long. They were concerned about her breathing and vitals since she was a preemie and they whisked her away to the NICU. I remembered the words of my doctor, "It's early but it will be fine." It will be fine, I told myself.

 And I knew it would be. Even though I couldn't be with her right away.

In the recovery room, I wrapped myself in the robe my mother had given me. The same robe she had worn in the hospital when she had me 30 years earlier. The nurses gave me the pictures below to keep by my bed until I could see my Love Monster. I knew it would be okay even though she was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and tubes. I waited patiently until I could hold her again. And tried to figure out how to use the breast pump which was oh so fun.

I could stare at that face all day.

Her NICU nurses were amazing and loving. The toughest part was having to leave the hospital before she could. I hated leaving her. We were there morning until night the six days that followed and finally we got the call we could bring her home. It was Valentines day.

We named LM a name that was a blend of beautiful and rough and tumble cool, which she embodies  perfectly. I love you so intensely Love Monster. Being born early you caught up quickly physically, but emotionally and behavior-wise you were a bit behind. But babe that's okay. Love is the medicine I use to nurture you through some struggles you've had. You have come so far, my girl. You are smart and full of love, sensitive and creative, confident and fun and free. And I'm positive your obsession with ice cream has to do with my pregnancy cravings. We were one. You've changed me forever. I see so much of me in you (which is why I think we clash sometimes). I feel such a deep connection to you. We had already been through so much together. And today you turn seven! I cannot believe it.

Happy Birthday, Love Monster.

 My dad was sick when he first met her so my mom and had made him take precautions. :)