tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59445344915120638492024-03-05T03:20:05.568-08:00Mother-nakedMother-naked
adj. syn. NUDE. au naturel, bare-assed, buff-bare, raw, stripped, unclothed, undressed.
Translation: A page with a pole waiting to fly your freak flag. A place to share those twisted inner thoughts or those embarassing moments when you were glad only God was watching, but now, its funny.
A blog on a mission to empower mamas through community and humor. Parenting is hard! If we can have each others back while trying to not screw up our kids then we got this.
Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-57646316336460353002015-09-06T16:28:00.003-07:002015-09-06T16:29:36.349-07:00The Land of Elementary School Tears<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikEqhD5jF5pzW-ggYrQUX0GtupNsctIvTveX1ZM0FbQNnyNfLIPsLVkkUSkzIqIyHYwrtJ9M5IQo3cLCbZI8CYxMWlbpoTyPPZNH0riIuenUzTD3Z_DqaDLrhaKSygZI_ACZIbfwuzlHMj/s1600/Drop-Off-Pick-Up-Sign-K-6622.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikEqhD5jF5pzW-ggYrQUX0GtupNsctIvTveX1ZM0FbQNnyNfLIPsLVkkUSkzIqIyHYwrtJ9M5IQo3cLCbZI8CYxMWlbpoTyPPZNH0riIuenUzTD3Z_DqaDLrhaKSygZI_ACZIbfwuzlHMj/s320/Drop-Off-Pick-Up-Sign-K-6622.gif" width="216" /></a></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I can’t remember a
time that both kids were happy at school drop off and not crying. I’m emotionally
tapped. This has to end.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I posted that on Facebook the other
night with the caveat: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Please no comments
about how I will miss this time. Maybe one day, but for now I reside full time
in the land of elementary school tears and it sucks.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The comments I received were so
caring and understanding. Sometimes Facebook is really fantastic. I put
something desperately into the void and wonderful community came out of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Everyday I drop off, I have to walk
away from arms outstretched and the saddest little voices crying my name: Mama!
“Powerlessness. I remember,” someone commented on my Facebook post. That’s it
exactly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I get inside my Mom Blogger skin
and think about what I should wisely say in a post about this: Let them miss
me. Let them cry. It will be okay. And so will I. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But that Zen-like rational is not helping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I can think is: I hope this is not doing
permanent damage when I walk away. Does it seem uncaring to them? Because their
screams are layered with feelings of abandonment. I also realize that this is
not as dyer as my imagination makes it out to be. Of course they will be okay!
It’s school drop off. This is not Sophie’s Choice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They don’t do this when anyone else
drops them off either. So of course I’m like, “Ah ha! It’s because I’m the
sucker and this is a manipulation.” But it’s not. Because they get nothing out
of it that they want and still do it. I don’t give in to their crazy demands of
staying home from school (Smirker screamed for an hour one evening “I wanna be
sick!” over and over again to get out of going to school in the morning and
continued when she woke up) or sitting with them on the carpet with the rest of
the Kindergarteners for the morning lessons like she wanted (Just sit with me
mom!). I walk away without looking back feeling like a cold calculated
criminal. I get sad looks from the other parents (whose kids are NOT crying by
the way).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So the only real conclusion to draw
is this is happening because I’m the best mom ever. Sigh. It really is a burden
sometimes. I know I’m so amazing, girls, and so much fun to hang out with, but
come on! I kid, but…. Moms really do rule the day. Moms rule. Dads are cool.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I came up with a plan, a ritual
if you will.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Okay guys, I have an idea,” I said
to the girls one night at bedtime. “School drop off have been hard….”<o:p></o:p></div>
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They both looked a little guilty
and ready to turn on the tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“It’s because we miss you
sooooooooo much,” Smirker said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“We LOVE you mom,” Love Monster
said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What will make you feel a little
better when I have to leave you at school?” I said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was sitting on Smirker’s bed and
she was playing with my hair. I looked to Love Monster first.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I will bring my Tiana from
Princess and the Frog! I’ll hug her because she reminds me of you,” LM said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Great!” I said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“And I’ll bring the Sidekicks book
because if I get sad that makes me smile.” LM finished.<o:p></o:p></div>
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She is obsessed with Dan Santat’s
book Sidekicks. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Smirker?” I said<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Smirker was still stroking the
front section of my hair. “I would like this chunk of hair. It’s so smooth and
soft.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Okay, pyscho. Yep she really is my
daughter. Is this so bad that we are resorting to chopping off a chunk of my
hair so my daughter won’t miss me at school?? My witchy baby. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“I like where you head is at
Smirker, but NO.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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She opted for a picture of LM, her
and I.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The next morning we were ready.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I took LM to her line outside and
she immediately clutched Tiana to her chest and and sat down to read Sidekicks.
“Bye mom!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Smirker looked a little more shaky.
She clutched the picture, staring at it while sitting on the carpet when her
teachers started class and I slipped away relieved.<o:p></o:p></div>
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No tears. That day. It’s still a
little shaky. But at least we have some tools now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Both girls especially Smirker are
in the stage that if I’m near them in any way, they are glued to me. They have
to have some kind of contact. On my lap, holding my handing, laying on top of
me, sitting on my shoulders. Anything. They want that physical contact all the
time. I am totally in that time, that sweet spot, where Love Monster and Smirker
aren’t afraid to show me how much they need me, want me. Need to have me near.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Will I miss the Land of Elementary
School Tears? NO. NOT EVER. But will I miss the no holds barred outpouring of
love and emotion for me, their mom? Yes. I know as they grow up they will need
to separate. They will un-cling and yearn for independence. I’m prepared (as
best I can be) for the opposite of what is happening now. When they will push
me away. And I know that will not mean they don’t love me any more. But I will
miss those times of unabashed need of me. But for now, they cling. I will hold
on tight (except at school drop off when I have to be the “worst” and leave
them in the best school in the world).<o:p></o:p></div>
Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-11420768157601211302015-05-20T12:58:00.000-07:002015-05-20T13:24:59.551-07:00Different<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Smirker never wants to hug me,”
Love Monster said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I was playing catch with Love
Monster and Smirker in front of our home.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Love Monster is very huggy. She is so
super cuddly and I love it. And what she said reminded me of something.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“You know what’s funny? It was
opposite when you were babies. When Smirker was a baby, all she wanted was to
be held. And you, you were moving so much, so busy, you didn’t want to be held
at all.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Love Monster dropped the ball she
was holding. She looked at me. Her face was stricken. She ran inside crying. I
triggered something.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
And I knew what this moment was. I’d
been dreading it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I found her inside. We sat on her
bed and I let her cry into my chest for a while.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“I don’t want to be different, mama,” she said.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Oh babe,” I said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
She cried a little longer before
saying, “You know my friend at school? Her friend tells her not to play with
me, because I make her do stuff.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
LM does get bossy. She has about 5
million ideas for things to do and gets excited about sharing them. And the way
she expresses it can be overwhelming and in your face, all part of the ADHD.
Not that that’s an excuse. It’s something we work on a lot. Be open to other
people’s ideas. It’s okay if things don’t go according to plan.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
For example, days like mother’s day
are her favorite kind of days. These days are also worrisome, because if things
do not go according to her plan she falls apart. She stayed up late the night
before writing out a schedule of things we would do, coming out from her room
periodically asking what my favorite things I liked to do were. In the morning
we went down the list. In the living room she had stations set up around the
room labeled with sticky notes: The art station where I was told to pursue her
art binder for a few minutes. The card station where we played a skylanders
game. The lego show where she had the lego elves do a little play for me. A
writing station where she had me fill out a Venn diagram, Love Monster on one side, Mama on the other, and Us in the middle. We each wrote two words describing what we love about each
other and wrote a poem using those words. There was a reading station, a
coloring station (coloring page made by LM). What a day. Don’t you love how
that brain works? I <u>love </u>how that brain works. And sometimes she is
proud, but then there are other times where she feels different.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf5DPPKflxiLvO8-VbHytfdFijWtI3mjrsVqQAkExpHEZHzu8FF4DrYusQ0SVChXw_Gm1wrbB6kVWnR6BlQ44y_fDAjBT2cDF2GYTmwEdw5JEKnZ8ASyykU689N0AzjZQJPp_s5aJxbTO_/s1600/IMG_9773.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf5DPPKflxiLvO8-VbHytfdFijWtI3mjrsVqQAkExpHEZHzu8FF4DrYusQ0SVChXw_Gm1wrbB6kVWnR6BlQ44y_fDAjBT2cDF2GYTmwEdw5JEKnZ8ASyykU689N0AzjZQJPp_s5aJxbTO_/s320/IMG_9773.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
And I know this is very normal. For most kids. There is a desperation to be like everyone else. Accepted. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The same</i> is safe. The same feels right. I think it’s a human
thing. We all feel different at some point and want to feel the same, when in
the end, the differences are what’s amazing right?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I don’t want to be different,
Mama.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Children don’t reward being
different. I remember that. Boy do I remember that. And I want to take that
pain away from her. After she had gone to bed, I cried on the couch. How do I
explain to her that being different is good? It doesn’t matter what other kids
say. Love what you love. Do what you do. Is this one of those things she has to
learn by herself? Would I have believed my mom if she told me? No I would have
thought she didn’t understand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love Monster is so great. So great. The
differences are wonderful. They are. Please believe me, Love Monster. We all
want to be accepted for who we are, but that doesn’t mean we need to be the
same.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That night I whispered in her ears
as she slept, “You are perfect. Different is good. Different is amazing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I let that seep into her ears, hoping my words turned into beliefs. Kids might, for the most part, not love "different." But I can encourage her. Talk to her. Reward the different. By being
myself too. And maybe one day I will hear, “I’m proud I’m different Mama.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-63286233337498083662015-03-10T09:00:00.000-07:002015-03-10T09:00:02.689-07:00Donna Day<i>Bones don't walk. Bones don't talk.</i><br />
<br />
Those words (paraphrased a bit here) stuck me after reading Mary Tyler Mom's <a href="http://www.chicagonow.com/mary-tyler-mom/donnas-cancer-story-2/" target="_blank">Donna's Cancer Story</a>.<br />
The words break into my thoughts and I'm grateful. It's one of the first things I think of when I think of Donna. Donna was a smart little girl. If you have read Donna's Cancer Story you probably remember those words also. Some of four year old Donna's final revelations.<br />
<br />
<i>Bones don't walk. Bones don't talk.</i><br />
<br />
There is so much wisdom, comfort, sadness all wrapped up in those words. For me they are a reminder of this:<br />
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Don't look away. Please. Donna's Cancer Story changed me. I will forever champion for these kids. I hope you will too.<br />
<br />
So today on Donna Day, I ask that you open your heart and consider how you can help. Read her story. Check out <a href="http://www.stbaldricks.org/" target="_blank">St. Baldrick's.</a> Pediatric cancer research needs funding. If you live in Illinois I believe you can donate when you do your taxes.<br />
<br />
Mary Tyler Mom and dad also started Donna's Good Things to honor Donna and help kids with cancer find some good things.<br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
Donna died on October 19, 2009. This beautiful, vibrant spirt left this world. But her spirit lives on through her mother, father and brothers. Through their dedication to cancer research. Through her story. I am in awe of all them.<br />
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If you are in the Chicago area, go to this<a href="https://www.stbaldricks.org/events/DGT" target="_blank"> St. Baldrick's event! </a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-10565229384615942702014-10-22T10:23:00.000-07:002014-10-22T10:23:10.932-07:00Mother-naked goes to #lovelydinners<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Two food, one
fashion, one photography, one mixology and one lifestyle. All bloggers. And me,
the mom blogger. One of these things is not like the other (or are we?). </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic';">Ragan Brooks (</span><a href="http://www.beautyinthebite.com/" style="font-family: 'Century Gothic';">www.beautyinthebite.com</a><span style="font-family: Century Gothic;">) and Molly Schoneveld (</span><a href="http://www.thisyuppielife.com/" style="font-family: 'Century Gothic';">www.thisyuppielife.com</a><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic';">) invited me to their Lovely Dinner, a gathering of bloggers, to enjoy food, great company and talk blogs. </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic';">I’m
pretty sure my shirt had a hole in it, because I haven’t bought nice clothes
for myself in a while. My photos on my blog are fuzzy and blurred because my
kids won’t sit still. And these ladies’ blogs are absolutely full of beauty! How do I fit in?? But I’m getting ahead of myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">And as much as I just painted myself as the odd one out, I wasn’t
at all. Over amazing cocktails by Jordan and Jocelyn (<a href="http://www.thisgirlwalksintoabar.com/">www.thisgirlwalksintoabar.com</a>),
we talked about the most rewarding things about having a blog and the biggest
challenges. It was interesting to see how similar our insecurities were.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Century Gothic;">I left my belly full
of amazing food and drink and inspiration brimming over. I vow to dress better now that I obsessively read Veronica's blog (<a href="http://www.thelookbyv.com/"><span style="color: blue;">www.thelookbyv.com</span></a>). I love photography, I want more of it in my blog. And the food…. Can I eat like that every day? Thank you Ragan! </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic';">What an awesome group
of women. Their blogs are full of beauty, but so is mine. I know I can string
words together pretty damn well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Photography by Christine Chang</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"><a href="http://www.christinechangphoto.com/">(www.christinechangphoto.com</a>) </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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decor by Molly Schoneveld</div>
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<br /></div>
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Me (and my hole in my shirt) </div>
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We all left with some yummy granola made by Pamela Salzman! Perfect for breakfast.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.pamelasalzman.com/">www.pamelasalzman.com</a></span></div>
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I made dessert!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Courier New', sans-serif; line-height: 22px;">Balsamic Black Pepper Strawberry Shortcakes</u></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 21px;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><u style="line-height: 22px;"><br /></u></span></span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><u style="line-height: 21px;">Biscuits</u></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">5 tbsp sugar</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">2 1/2 tsp baking power</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">1/4 tsp salt</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">1/2 cup chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2 inch cubes</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">1 cup chilled heavy whipping crew</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">1 large egg, beaten </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Balsamic strawberries (recipe below)</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">whipped cream: 1 cup of heavy whipping creamed beaten until stiff peaks with 2 tbsp of sugar</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Position rack in center of the oven and preheat to 425</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">line baking sheet with parchment paper</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">place flour, 4 tbsp of sugar, baking powder and salt in food processor. Using on.off turns, pulse to blend</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Add butter and pulse until butter resembles large peas, about 5 1-second intervals. Add cream and pulse another five 1-second intervals until moist clumps form. The dough will not completely stick together.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Transfer dough to lightly floured work surface. Gather dough into a ball. Do not overwork it. Using as few strokes at possible ,roll ito a 8 X 4 inch rectangle about 1 1/4 inch thick. Cut length wise in half the crosswise into four equal strips. forming 8 square/rectangle biscuits. Transfer biscuits to prepared baking sheet and chill for 20 minutes.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Brush top of biscuits with egg glaze and sprinkle with remaining tablespoon of sugar. Bake until biscuits are golden brown and tester comes out clean, about 15 minutes. Transfer to rack and cool.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Serve with strawberries and whipped cream!</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><u style="line-height: 21px;">Balsamic strawberries</u></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">2 pounds of fresh strawberries, hulled and quartered.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">5 tbsp sugar</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">3 tbsp balsamic vinegar</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">1 large pinch of fresh ground black pepper</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 21px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Mix strawberries, sugar, balsamic vinegar and black pepper in a medium blow. Let macerate for 30 minutes and stir occasionally.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-89756912216212888772014-10-09T12:21:00.000-07:002014-10-09T12:21:52.505-07:00Sometimes the answer is easy<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes the answer is easy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why did it ever seem hard?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love Monster called me into her room tonight. Smirker was asleep.
This scenario rarely happens. Smirker is usually the one up long after Love
Monster is snoring. Fighting sleep. Using every last excuse to avoid dreamland,
but not tonight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Mama.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I barely heard it over the TV. I wasn’t a scream like the
usual tattle-tale tone or demand for water. It was listless and half asleep. I
walk into the room, not even sure I really heard anything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Mama, you’re here,” Love Monster says.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My hyper, fast talking Love Monster was hibernating. A calm
half-asleep girl is here. I walk in and I see <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it </i>as plain as her my little pony PJ’s. She wore her vulnerability
like a ball gown.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Mama, I miss you so much. I hate that I always miss you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was the end of a very tough week for all of us. Work
was crazy. Things were tense and off all over the place in my life it seemed.
And every morning at school Love Monster cried her eyes out when I left. It’s
over a month into second grade and it suddenly felt like the first week of
kindergarten all over again. She would crumble into a sad mess and I had to
walk away. It sucked. Bad. But I would pick her up after school and she was
back to her hyper, happy self. The other day I dropped her off at her dad’s and
she wouldn’t let me leave. She paced the driveway like a caged animal screaming
not to leave, that she missed me. I sat and held her on the front steps for a
while. Rocked her. While she said over and over that she hated she wasn’t with
me all the time. I sighed. Divorce. This is one of the damages that comes with
it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I asked her about all this stuff later after she calmed,
after I had to walk away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I hope you didn’t stay sad long. Why were you sad babe?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She brushed it off.
“Nope didn’t stay sad long! Oh mom! Did you know we’re going to see Wizard of
Oz….”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And she was off. That subject was closed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But now, in the dark of night, she is talking to me. And boy,
am I listening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“What is it babe? Why are you sad? I’m here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I just miss you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I know honey.” This isn’t just about right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I miss you. I need you,” she says.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’m here, babe. I love you. I miss you too when I’m at
work. When you’re at papas.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I just feel like I don’t spend enough TIME with you. I need
you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And there it is. The tears are flowing for both of us now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It wasn’t until my friend pointed it out to me that I
realized what this was. I remember feeling this way when I was young. Feeling
like I lost myself. Feeling my autonomy really for the first time. That I am
not just a part of my parents. That you are your own person. It’s scary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She pulled me down to her chest, holding me so close as if
she was trying to make us one. “Just stay with me a couple minutes. I miss you
so much when I’m at papa’s. I miss you so much when you are working. I miss you
so much….”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She trailed off. I didn’t know if I wanted her to finish
that sentence. She didn’t. But…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She misses me even
when I’m here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m here. I’m always
here.” And I stayed and snuggled. “I love spending with you. You’re fun and
smart. Funny. You’re wonderful honey. Everything about you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Her love language was clear. It always had been. Spending
time with her was EVERYTHING. It didn’t matter how much I said, “I love you.” I
had to be there. She is constantly saying, Play with me, come here mom, look at
this, watch this with me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is this obvious fragility, vulnerability I see in Love
Monster. I don’t think it’s obvious to most. I don’t think. She’s tall,
athletic, boisterous, loud, outgoing in everyway. A little tornado of awesome.
But there’s a facet that shines like a beacon. Something that came straight
from me. “Take care with me.” It says. “Don’t be fooled by my confidence.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At school I see that confident girl run up to a classmate,
“Hi!!!!!” And I’ve seen them brush her off. It sucks. Hard. I want to grab that
kid and say, “Hey! Love Monster is so much damn fun! She will enrich your life
kid!!!” But I don’t. And I see her move past it like it’s nothing. And then I
realize <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I </i>am that damn kid. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Mom! I have to show you this!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“In a second, I have to do this one thing….”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Busy is bullshit. I mean it’s not. There is real stuff we
have to get done. We have to go to work. We have commitments. And it is
important we parents do things for ourselves. Follow dreams. Follow through.
Attack life. That is a good example.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But sometimes…. Sometimes it’s important to take time to sit
with them while, a long while, they will show you how they made a funland in
Minecraft and they have a Minecraft chicken named Jeffery who just had babies
names Lucien and Constan, make cupcakes, be silly, tell stories, blow bubbles….
Sometimes I feel like I fail them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am here. I am. I think about you constantly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Og3pTtGUJKGwDJEr5PXmmrqv1-bIo8GlFDHN0R7QjOeWxgoNAOa_wXB6Rxl3SG4baea77q8XetR0iCBs8ic9y_62Lnx-w6PaJNhjWANg0Y94oIw5TO_O18qTWNqYZs4lVyiwFcF1fxWL/s1600/image-2+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Og3pTtGUJKGwDJEr5PXmmrqv1-bIo8GlFDHN0R7QjOeWxgoNAOa_wXB6Rxl3SG4baea77q8XetR0iCBs8ic9y_62Lnx-w6PaJNhjWANg0Y94oIw5TO_O18qTWNqYZs4lVyiwFcF1fxWL/s1600/image-2+copy.jpg" height="320" width="190" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (Photo courtesy of Smirker who loves to take my phone.)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This missing you streak isn’t just with Love Monster, lately
when they are at their dad’s I miss them achingly. Sometimes I pretend we are
telepath’s and I have conversation with them in my head around bedtime. Did you
have a good day, sweets? Yes, mama! Goodnight my love…. And tonight? Tonight
the girls called me to say good night from his house. Well that…. That make my
freakin’ year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is the time. They are little sponges who actually want
to spend time with their folks. That window is pretty damn small I think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was driving home from work the other day, editing this
blog post in my head, when The Who’s The Kids are Alright came on the radio. I
love this song. And I started crying. It’s not really a cry worthy song, but
the lyrics took on a new meaning at that moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“The kids are alriiiiiiiiiight, the kids are alriiiiiiiiight….”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And they are. They are smart little things. They tell you
what they need. Pay attention. Daughters need their mothers in a way that’s
hard to describe. Be there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes the answer is easy. Pick her. Pick them. They are
the most important things. Alw</span>ays.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNK4hd-06lmq_O2UtCQZzPep11BnTNm_XDhpiXY6sHdbZnIzA0AQwAWc0K_gI9J0ckqQ2qZVH8ulDsPMbKQVBvXCxifB3lg_45hI81v3PKgocshMJaQFpGDTjknD7LUbIOFNy3pTw9bW2E/s1600/1800123_10152308244847952_366463244_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNK4hd-06lmq_O2UtCQZzPep11BnTNm_XDhpiXY6sHdbZnIzA0AQwAWc0K_gI9J0ckqQ2qZVH8ulDsPMbKQVBvXCxifB3lg_45hI81v3PKgocshMJaQFpGDTjknD7LUbIOFNy3pTw9bW2E/s1600/1800123_10152308244847952_366463244_o.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-2886097278617291612014-09-17T09:42:00.002-07:002014-09-17T19:00:00.300-07:00Hold Me<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">It started a few
weeks ago. No real trigger. Out of the blue. But it was obvious and unignorable.
The girl’s clingy factor undoubtedly increased. Hold me. Lay with me. Cuddle
with me. They would press up against me, standing or sitting. Unabashed full
body draping while I lay on the couch. Carrying them from room to room. Clinging
to my leg while I do laundry. At dinner having to be right next to me and
getting upset that there is a three-inch table leg between us. They just want
some sort of <u>contact</u>. They burrow in so close, readjusting so many times just to get…. closer. It seemed a little odd, but lovely. And, I
hate to admit it, inconvenient at times. It’s hard to safely strain pasta when
a four year old is gripped to my chest like a little baby monkey. Being the
Virgo I am, I analyzed this cuddle amplification with a pie chart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix8gnR4Aosybf-lOnAB88Q0OGTE8EICDjdjBMQVQERlZVuWpxOALxgaZmxmuoM3Mp7vhHewFErcA2c4HmTuvhRvGpnuPHytvpdankxKjdZt7STJrk0qs9LjVFyfWUAyTYC3n_PsWD0gtGm/s1600/IMG_8072.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix8gnR4Aosybf-lOnAB88Q0OGTE8EICDjdjBMQVQERlZVuWpxOALxgaZmxmuoM3Mp7vhHewFErcA2c4HmTuvhRvGpnuPHytvpdankxKjdZt7STJrk0qs9LjVFyfWUAyTYC3n_PsWD0gtGm/s1600/IMG_8072.JPG" height="219" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">I came to the
conclusion that it was just a kid thing. Kids are wonderful at just asking for
what they want. So this outpouring of cuddles was just that. It wasn’t a big
deal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Until today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Today all the
stresses in my life came to a head. Nothing huge just lots of little every day
life stuff. But I lost it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">And then that
little voice in my head said, “See? Kids are magic.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Because it was
like these little ones of mine had been filling up my love well. Banking it up.
Like they knew I would need it. Now I’m sure they didn’t consciously know. But
I was grateful. I was fall-to-the-floor grateful. I gave them even more cuddles then they asked
for today. It got me thinking about that thing above I thought “wasn’t a big
deal.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">It occurred to
me, if my kids want love and affection, they just go for it. No shame. They need
it, they go after it. That struck me deep. I admired that. That made me feel so
happy, then I felt a small desperation in my heart. There will be a time when
they won’t share their love so freely with me I’m sure. So I will take that big
pie piece of “hold me” and bank it up. Because I know that pie slice will get
smaller. It will. I know it will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">I struggled with
feeling accepted and loved growing up. I knew my parents loved me, it was
everyone else that was my concern at the time. And to now get an avalanche of
love piled on me on a daily basis is just fine with me. These two little
beautiful beings love me for everything I am. Wow. That’s pretty damn amazing.
I hope they see the good in everyone like they see in me. I will treasure this
time with them. These two teach me lessons everyday. We all need to be held. Am
I saying you only find acceptance in hugs? No. But it sure doesn’t hurt!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">I’m going to kiss
them and hug them whenever I want, while I can, before they become teens and
motherly affection becomes the Ebola virus. Man, I love this huge
affectionate pie slice they are serving up at this point in their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Oh and this isn’t
limited to kiddos, if I want a full body contact hug and you’re busy looking
over the mail, I might go ahead and hug you. Life is too short.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-22707858997870981922014-07-16T10:37:00.001-07:002014-07-16T20:06:06.862-07:00Mother-naked Gets Married<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuevOCDIdZecKkpz68mOgz-um-CfgzxxAqAswtJtsx2_ofVxBm3-XMe0bU1joJvselBN55BCpzCB_mGlvfdPqPrTJFbmVX2ti7XaUEdTLSJDytB-3Yw00uUNzrbQqSxaTWvOmXf4wgBFyO/s1600/IMG_7526.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuevOCDIdZecKkpz68mOgz-um-CfgzxxAqAswtJtsx2_ofVxBm3-XMe0bU1joJvselBN55BCpzCB_mGlvfdPqPrTJFbmVX2ti7XaUEdTLSJDytB-3Yw00uUNzrbQqSxaTWvOmXf4wgBFyO/s1600/IMG_7526.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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I woke up wedding day morning with my little space heater,
Smirker, pressed up against my back sleeping soundly. She’s slept with me every
night at my parent’s house in my childhood room. Too scared to sleep by
herself. Love Monster bounded in and ferociously snuggled in. Lying between my
second hearts, joy filled my first. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Is it TODAY??” Love Monster whispered loudly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yep it’s today.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Rick asked me to marry him on an average Saturday. The most
exciting thing that had happened to me that day was I bought new high-top
converse (which is pretty exciting). We saw an afternoon showing of Star Trek:
Into Darkness. Went out for some Japanese Hibaci. Fun date night. I should have
seen the clues. He was very quiet. Nervous. Then after a little bit of Saporro
buzz. He asked. He said he’d ask me a million different times and a million
different ways. And he had, but this time he had a ring.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We had both been married before. Our eyes were open. Communication is everything. Love Monster and Smirker
were happy. They proclaimed themselves the flower candy girls (because just
flowers are BORING) and that was that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And now the day had come. I’d organized everything as much
as possible. There were lists upon lists. Contact sheets. Schedules emailed
out. All my stuff to get ready was at my sis in law’s house. We had had a very cool
wedding week. Seeing family. Wedding tasks spread over days so they were not
overwhelming. I had my first book signing with Grambo’s illustrator! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Star Trek themed rehearsal dinner. This
was shaping up to be the week of my dreams.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I threw on the first pair of wedding shoes of the day and
off we go.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha9bP1sJofoNIB58nMWfCX_LTg1xgncm_wYYaBpj0rJT9dR5yY_MDZGt9tb9D_-cAvExisUmXHS_CTWsj1aIid_STPo1quxmG3IKoQDqCpbrkN1vSU86f2rYKT1kfbtr2LMo2a0ignFiql/s1600/2014-06-28+19.14.24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha9bP1sJofoNIB58nMWfCX_LTg1xgncm_wYYaBpj0rJT9dR5yY_MDZGt9tb9D_-cAvExisUmXHS_CTWsj1aIid_STPo1quxmG3IKoQDqCpbrkN1vSU86f2rYKT1kfbtr2LMo2a0ignFiql/s1600/2014-06-28+19.14.24.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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First stop the salon where I had gotten my hair done as a
kid through high school. Mom and I went in at 7am. The hair dresser I had known
since I was a kid greeted us in the empty salon and we listened to some Motown.
I opted for an easy peasy blow out. No curls, no big hair. Not my thing. I
sipped on tea and checked in on my best friend and her man who flew in the red
eye to be there. She made it! I got the instagram proof of her flying in with
the Chicago skyline in the background. Yeah! My day would be complete with her
there. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Hair done. The girls got adorable waterfall braids. Love
Monster was feeling the excitement of the day. She crawled all over me in the
salon and I loved it. Smirker was as chill as ever smirking at all the attention
that she was getting about how cute she was. And<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel good, calm. I look for the nerves, but they aren’t there.
Excitement though is there for sure. I do remember thinking “I’m not really
going to feel that different after. Rick and I are already committed to each
other.” But we’ll come back to that later….<o:p></o:p></div>
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My brother arrives to play chauffer and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>take me to stop number two, he and his wife’s
place to get ready. Let’s just put it out there. Liz is the best maid of honor
in all the land. Here is why:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> 1. </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->She had snacks ready. I need snacks.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> 2. </span></span></span>She gave me the coolest gift. (John Green!)<o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyrBxeUXiBXfgBQeam0FVjEKqLR9SX8qF6MmQLV5EpYkw6wR-AGKiXfCqAQht-Bu2RC75AWvfV86_WzPtpj1Zgutle9DT5X2_XxU8q91nchzuMJZ5wYYJFYD9a4MYdkj1TW4g4aOUe2a8M/s1600/IMG_7574.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyrBxeUXiBXfgBQeam0FVjEKqLR9SX8qF6MmQLV5EpYkw6wR-AGKiXfCqAQht-Bu2RC75AWvfV86_WzPtpj1Zgutle9DT5X2_XxU8q91nchzuMJZ5wYYJFYD9a4MYdkj1TW4g4aOUe2a8M/s1600/IMG_7574.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> 3. </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->She hung my dress on a hanger that says Mrs.
Hoff. Fun. (I really wanted something Pinterest worthy!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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One of my oldest friends came over and did my make up (I can
say “old” because she called me out my wrinkles while doing my eyes. :p) She did a
beautiful job and only scoffed at my supply of make-up a couple times.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Kevin Von Qualen, my friend and photographer, came over to
take come getting ready pics. He had the most amazing vibe. Super calm and
cool. The best photog around in my opinion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The girls came over and got dressed in dresses made by their
Gigi. They looked gorgeous in seemingly vintage dresses and accessorized in
their candy necklaces.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I put on my dress and chiffon and lace Sarah Seven strapless
number. Super romantic, which I love, but I had to edge up with Lincoln Park after dark deep
purple (black) nail polish and sparkly platform shoes. These were the original
shoes I was going to wear, but after practicing in them for weeks I realized
these knock offs were made terribly and there was no way I’d last ten minutes
in them. So here they are looking pretty and useless.<br />
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My friend Corie gave me a
beautiful vintage brooch necklace to wear also. AND I found this amazing 1950’s
purse on etsy for 20 bucks. My flower crown was put in my hair. I was successfully transformed into the edgy fairy
bride.<o:p></o:p><br />
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We were coifed and ready. Let’s jump in the limo.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The girls reaction to the limo was priceless. They were most
impressed that snacks and drinks were available and that there was a TV. (Let’s
put on Frozen!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Our ceremony and reception were at Meson Sabika. One of Rick
and I’s first dates was there and they have the most yummy tapas and sangria. We pulled up. I saw
through the limo's tinted windows loved ones gathering. We snuck around back and I hid
in the hallway. We planned a few moments for a first look (And I secretly
thanked God that Rick was in the vicinity and not late. Love you babe!). It was a bit of a
relief to see him. Both of us were cool, calm, collected. I think no one would
guessed we were getting married (except for the fairly obvious wedding
costuming of course). We took some photos in the old mansion that makes up the
restaurant then departed ways<br />
<br />
“See you at the end of the aisle."<br />
<br />
The
girls , Liz and I hopped in the limo one last time to take me behind a giant
pine tree where I would make my entrance. We arrived to find two of the four
ring bearers (don’t ask) not quite so sure about their task…. One of my nephews
was taken absolved of his responsibilities (I know it's hard being 3, Henry! Believe me I get it.) and the other had the very apparent “Eh.
Nope.” look on his face and went down the aisle carried by my sis in law. The girls did a
beautiful job dropping flower petals marking my path. Sting’s Secret Marriage
began playing and dad walked me down the aisle. I was brimming over. Good friends and amazing family surrounded us as I walked into a beautiful garden. The
weather was perfect, a little humid, but after a threat of rain all week it’s
all good. I took Rick’s hands and all was right with everything. The ceremony
was perfect. My cousin wrote a poem that he recited. Here is a snippet:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“I carry a quiver
across my back<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
arrows touched with
the aroma of flora<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
and the quickness of
citrus<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
the plain ringing of
an open note.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not going to put the whole poem here. For some reason
its feels too sacred to transcribe here. I think I want to keep it for us and
for all who witnessed it. It was perfect and beautiful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My aunt and uncle sang “All I Ask Of You.” A usual for them.
(They performed in Phantom of the Opera for years in the touring company.) It
brought me to tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of tears. I saw Rick tear up three times. He said
he wouldn’t cry. Boom!!! Anyway….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The pastor (the Chaplin from the hospital my mom had worked
at) had wise words. He spoke about how marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100%. Of
course it is, but wow that really struck me. We spoke traditional vows. I think
it was Liz who said earlier that week that she liked that. There was something
about millions of people saying the same thing before you. I couldn’t agree
more.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pastor Mark recited to us things we had written to him about
what we loved about each other. Rick mentioned how it was really meant a lot
him that I knew his dad before he passed away. I spoke about Nerd Love. His was
better then mine. Though I did make
mention how he is so amazing with my girls. That means everything. We squeezed
hands all throughout the ceremony.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Remember when I thought I wouldn’t feel too different after?
Well I was wrong. I felt so full of love and everything about our relationship
with each other and everyone else was richer. It was different and wonderful.
And it’s continued since that day. I know it won’t always be easy, but the love
is there. It’s solid. I told him also I think he’s more handsome now that he’s my
husband. Marriage goggles. It’s like beer goggles, but better.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The ceremony ended with a sing along to All You Need is
Love, LM and Smirker ran up and brought us little stuffed heart presents they
got out of a quarter toy machine and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all
the guests and Rick and I took a group picture.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Then the reception! Tapas and sangria were plentiful. We cut
our Zombie cake. Yep Zombie cake. The reaction was either; COOL! Or yes that is
interesting, but hey WE loved it. Zombie Hunters Forever! The girls had a My
Little Pony flower girl cake that they cut as well.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
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Kids got gift bag that were full of sugar. The girls floated
around the party, little fairies armed with Polaroid cameras. I still don’t
know how they got this picture. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJsZM9JHn-OsXdNmV4jRhAlqzkL2BvDuFQ3stkCK2tK02x1I6KzLE6WzkZ4wN2pLCZakpfsls3aQoHQnVGPX2fvZLgLg_LVpqDWgSww0FouStdJK3t9YznIOLGo8JiKeguLsVMXzCdA5jz/s1600/photo-173.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJsZM9JHn-OsXdNmV4jRhAlqzkL2BvDuFQ3stkCK2tK02x1I6KzLE6WzkZ4wN2pLCZakpfsls3aQoHQnVGPX2fvZLgLg_LVpqDWgSww0FouStdJK3t9YznIOLGo8JiKeguLsVMXzCdA5jz/s1600/photo-173.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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We visited with our guests. Aunts, uncles, friends, grandma.
Rick’s mom, who is a wonderful woman. A wonderful wonderful mother in law. Even
though she thought she had Dallas hair. She looked gorgeous. LM and Smirker
hung on their older cousins that they had just met for the first time like long
lost sisters. The youngest in attendance, Esther (Estie for short) was her adorable
little two month old self. I couldn’t stop touching her perfect baby feet. What
is it with baby feet?? I kept stealing glances with my mom. Yes mom I’m happy.
I’m in love. Thank you for loving and worrying about me. I’m okay. I really am.
That goes for you too dad (The coolest cat in the room.) And the illustrator of
Grambo (My picture book) Betsy was also there and she insisted I open her
wedding gift there. Boy am I glad I did!!! How cool is this. Grambo gets
married.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhivGWVgQXoPRMLF-gBDkEGrauis9SVntFwZ51oHPdENclvM1QCyoth5anySKF-5gDbcLtR8xTczuQPjVdZD1_xM25PK2vAkirwg82aAwgmfUIOSoKRuSgFwEv5yw6ep-b5mQwjNtcySwG5/s1600/photo-175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhivGWVgQXoPRMLF-gBDkEGrauis9SVntFwZ51oHPdENclvM1QCyoth5anySKF-5gDbcLtR8xTczuQPjVdZD1_xM25PK2vAkirwg82aAwgmfUIOSoKRuSgFwEv5yw6ep-b5mQwjNtcySwG5/s1600/photo-175.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick’s brother and best man, Rob, gave a speech about second
acts (I teared up again.) and my maid of honor gave an equally tear worthy
speech and read different pieces of advice from family members.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Smirker ate her cake like a princess (She transformed into
ultra girlie girl this week. She insisted on make up for the wedding.) Love Monster
was a tornado of fun taking bites of the cake when she had the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The guests left with our secret sangria recipe (don’t forget
to invite us over!) and hopefully a love buzz.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We took more photos during which time I realized my feel
were killing me and I couldn’t wait to take off my shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We left Meson Sabika for a little hotel break before the
after party. (We can’t stop now!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Rick and I drove there in his mom’s car and got many
congrats from strangers in the parking lot. Everyone loves a bride and groom. I
should wear my dress out to just get glowing looks and free stuff.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I tried to nap in our amazing suite (thanks mom and dad!),
but was too excited, too full of adrenaline.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the after party of wore the dress, my converse and jean
jacket. The girls are having a Lego Movie pizza party in my mom and dad’s room
with the babysitters and cousins. I know they are having fun and I love this
fun adult time, but I miss them. I can’t wait to have a little girlie time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The after party was a blast at the pub. Slider burger bar,
beer and a thunderstorm.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The after after party continued on in the hotel lounge. We
were down to our close group of friends. Drinking continued. I demanded drunken
marriage advice that I will not share here, but it was goooooood. Finally it
came down to Rick and I and our best friends. There was so much love in the
room it was palpable. Love them all.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We went to our room to find Champagne and chocolate covered
strawberries that we wouldn’t touch. Didn’t need anymore alcohol at that point.
I took a 1am bath because the bathtub was too huge not to used. And we feel
asleep. Married.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I woke up with the urge to write. And with no hangover which
was shocking. Cold water was left in the bathtub. My flower crown was draped on
the unused champagne bottle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUubxb_FEAmXWw6CdAmZct0Cka4zPIk3wswIIMbAe8fZvNf8Ri3LQwd0HD4IMvKswbWSe6vApDQYujJ2U3KaUIBdHlLwFZ9wEa4Ii97cbquqwXhoXuyX0_7w9YKWQZIu9Gxb6HYpbBn1Gz/s1600/IMG_7481.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUubxb_FEAmXWw6CdAmZct0Cka4zPIk3wswIIMbAe8fZvNf8Ri3LQwd0HD4IMvKswbWSe6vApDQYujJ2U3KaUIBdHlLwFZ9wEa4Ii97cbquqwXhoXuyX0_7w9YKWQZIu9Gxb6HYpbBn1Gz/s1600/IMG_7481.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
I wrote
notes upon notes on the hotel notepads. Details about the day so I wouldn’t
forget. I realized I left my bouquet in the lounge, but luckily they had put it
in water behind the bar. I let my husband sleep and went to my parent’s room. I
needed some snuggles from my girls. They were tired from staying up late, but
smiling with their eyes closed like little loons.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The weekend was perfect. And I know it doesn’t end here. The
work will continue to make this marriage great. I will give 100%.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
My parent’s were generous enough to get a hotel room that
night downtown Chicago. The James Hotel was awesome. Rick had to borrow my
socks because he forgot his (This is marriage. I give 100%!). We ate the most luxurious dinner at
Lawry’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Totally old school Chicago.
Served prime rib cut at the table. Our server Ms. Raskin had worked there for
30 years and sang to us because we had just gotten married. She made us promise
we’d come back on anniversaries. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick and I started punching rings and saying Wonder Twin
powers unite. We’re dorks.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
So that's the story. I did mainly write it for myself. To remember. Writing solidifies things for me. I hope it brought you some smiles.<br />
<br />
Love. Double love.</div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-53065649860643144282014-06-11T09:23:00.002-07:002014-06-11T09:23:58.768-07:00Don't Forget to Like and Comment!<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh my god you guys. No plans tonight? Nothing on TV? No
worries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got you covered. Tuck in the
kids. Pour yourself a glass of wine and grab your ipad and/or Iphone And check
out the photos and videos the kids have made when you weren’t watching. Some
one the best entertainment you will ever see. For real.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My fiancé and I did this the other night and we laughed
until we peed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The photos/videos fell into one of the following categories:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>5% Coughing-
Anyone and everyone get captured doing this. For some reason this seems
important to get on camera. (My coughing face is super sexy by the way.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>10 % Me
on my phone- Yeah. It’s probably a sign I need to put that shit down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>20% Super
close up on their faces- Extreme close ups seem the go to camera angle for
kids. They are cute faces but I really don’t need to see up your nose. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>30% Butts
(clothed don’t worry)- “Now your turn!” “Now your turn!” (This where I started
to lose bladder control.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->10 % The TV- Because a video of a TV playing a
video is awesome.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->5% Peppa Pig impersonations- They kind of nailed
this. Their English accents are awesome.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->20 % Practicing their toy bin/egg surprise
youtube videos <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay we need to talk about these toy bin/egg surprise
youtube videos. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdHS9l5ArJmnfP8zCeCjQVe0cicD4SV8yz9R1x5cQLpDhjUXe-QvTPBpUtWd2Wuq83VUnSQJHNd__TmManeOx1MzQw73gEzK5kBrTFupctsavjNVcVZlFVAkbdS6X9iCz1crLiNwx5Ib4K/s1600/photo-171.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdHS9l5ArJmnfP8zCeCjQVe0cicD4SV8yz9R1x5cQLpDhjUXe-QvTPBpUtWd2Wuq83VUnSQJHNd__TmManeOx1MzQw73gEzK5kBrTFupctsavjNVcVZlFVAkbdS6X9iCz1crLiNwx5Ib4K/s1600/photo-171.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you aware of these? Basically they are videos of people
opening toys, showing you toy and playing with the toys. My kids are into
watching videos of people playing with toys. Yep. Ummmm. That’s bad right? They
are obsessed with these videos so much that they now make them. And they are
hilarious. The videos on the iPad are ten minutes long each. And as for me, I’m
wandering around the background of these videos making dinner usually. Love
Monster (sometimes with her side-kick Smirker) perfectly props up the iPad<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and “unwraps” toys and describes them for the
viewer. They end the video with the usual “Don’t forget to like and comment!” I
don’t think they know what that means. My favorite part in one of the videos
was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called out ‘Time for dinner!” in
the background when Love Monster was in the middle of her spiel.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She leaned in really close to the iPad camera and said this.
“Sorry guys that’s my mom.” And you know the tone. She nailed it. Never felt more
like a mom then in that moment. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t the only one who got that treatement. Smirker would
be dancing in the background bored of these videos and LM would say, “That’s my
crazy sister.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well if that wasn’t the best entertainment with a bottle of
wine in a while I don’t know what is.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What have I learned from this experience?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The girls know the internet too well. I need to keep
vigilant on that shit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My girls hare hilarious. I knew this already but this
confirmed it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are great on camera. Again this isn’t good. I don’t
think.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need to not watch youtube. How about actually playing
with toys? Or even going outside. Yeah let’s try that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the big one, during dinner I should pay attention more.
They are doing stuff. Good thing I at least have the parental controls on those
things! And also, they are extra super hilarious and amazing when you aren’t
watching. I think one of the fun things about watching these is they are being
authentically themselves. And they are awesome.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy watching! Please report back what you find. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-55645148396252609082014-05-14T15:49:00.003-07:002014-05-14T15:49:34.930-07:00Letting Them Fail: When to hang up the super mom cape<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Century Gothic;">I jump to Love
Monster’s defense a lot. I always have. I knew early on that her impulse
control issues were more then the average 2 or 3 year old. My suspicions were
confirmed after a few therapists agreed she presented the symptoms of ADHD and
sensory issues. So I’ve jump to her defense when the word bully was thrown
around. But over the last few years she’s made astounding progress. She knows
how to control her impulses much better. But sometimes issues pop up and
surprise me, reminding me she has trouble with it sometimes. I am particularly
protective of her. I feel like she is misunderstood at times. I wish I could
morph into super-mom in a killer teal and white full body leotard and shoot
protection candy coating out of my wrists and shield my daughters with a wall of their favorite bubble gum flavored candy. Pew! Mean kid. Pew! Bad spelling test. Pew! That
curb that came out nowhere. They would think I was so cool. Forget that negative craziness. Look kids! Candy! Pew! Pew! I love making
that noise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">I was scared a
lot I think as a kid. Besides of the usual no ones likes me, I suck at
everything worries I had, I was fairly sure the wave pool would be my demise.
And the dark. Of course. But now I’m older and I’m not quite as scared and I
just stay away from stupid wave pools and I become super mom with the protecting
candy coating power. I don’t want them to have that fear. So I do my best to
not let them fail. That was my biggest fear. Bigger then the wave pool.
Failing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Recently I was
talking to someone. Love Monster was playing behind the person I was talking
to. She locked eyes with me, smiled a sweet smile and snuck over and blew the
biggest raspberry in this someone’s face. This person was pissed. Very pissed.
Should LM have done that? No. Did she mean to do something bad? Nope. She was
having fun and showing her love. I corrected her (I know you do not spit in people's faces), but I also knew her intent. And
when her face crumbed not understanding that she did something wrong, I went
into super mom mode, but my super candy coating power was too late. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">“When I was six I
knew better,” my friend said wiping spit off their face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">“She has issues!”
I said back very upset.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">And though this
is true, it got me thinking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">I won’t always be
there to jump to her defense. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Protecting Love
Monster (and Smirker for that matter) from failure or making mistakes is not
always the right thing to do. They are not always going to get things right.
(Duh. They insist on proving this point constantly.) They need to learn how to
take responsibility for themselves. This may be super obvious to you. Maybe it
should be to me, but after years of seeing people misinterpret my daughter, my
protectiveness became an impulse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And shielding
her from the consequences became the norm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Letting your kids
fail…. A necessary lesson? I think so. Sometimes. I don’t want to see it. I
don’t want to watch. But the magic is in the after.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">I read on
another blog, </span><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-language: JA;">"Failure is an opportunity to get your child
to look at himself."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-language: JA;">I really liked that. We see our kids failing
as this horrible thing. She’s gonna hate herself. Self-esteem is everything.
The pain on their faces. No way. I don’t want that. But thinking about it as an
opportunity. An opportunity to look at themselves…. and learn. Even instill
self confidence and self-appreciation. So when you aren’t there and they fail,
they will be equipt to no only deal with it, but grow from it. I’ve made
countless mistakes. I must be one incredible human being. (I kid! But man have
I learned a lot.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Love Monster can
handle it now. I know she can. She’s smart and stronger then I give her credit
for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">2 out of 10<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on the spelling test? No not going to ask the
teacher if she can take it again. That’s what she got and it’s okay that she
won’t get her treat this week for doing well. We’ll practice the words and next
time it will be better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">Next time she
acts out, I won’t jump to her “issues” to being the cause. Yes the issues
exist, but so does the smart growing girl who is learning how to control them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">But hell if I
ever let them near a wave pool.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";">I trust my
non-crazy instincts will know when I really should interfere. And when I
shouldn’t, I will restrain my super mom powers and let my girls develop super
powers of their own. But I will still pew the hell out of that mean kid. And by
pew I mean kill em with ever lovin’ kindness. The extra gooey kind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixi9zc5E-6i1CW6dSDynCirUBaxLrKvb1bQQOR9EtbPVlVVBV5FlVSuXR1nwquTJ7VHMjxk2d6G8T2WPbZsKGV3T7ZIscWgMgziZNuq_kAK3ChOE8Icp_T4MUcAQ6CGG3TtVxoA9vgGjP3/s1600/IMG_4473.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixi9zc5E-6i1CW6dSDynCirUBaxLrKvb1bQQOR9EtbPVlVVBV5FlVSuXR1nwquTJ7VHMjxk2d6G8T2WPbZsKGV3T7ZIscWgMgziZNuq_kAK3ChOE8Icp_T4MUcAQ6CGG3TtVxoA9vgGjP3/s1600/IMG_4473.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"> <span style="font-size: x-small;"> This was the best super mom type picture I have.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Battlestar Galactica Viper pilot, Code name: Fox </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> San Diego Comic Con 2013</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Yep I'm nerdy so what???</span></span></div>
Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-10309277712617831162014-04-09T12:54:00.000-07:002014-04-09T12:57:21.481-07:00My plan to get my girls to talk to me when they are teenagers<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh you’re already laughing. I can tell. Shut up! I’m
serious. I’m going to make this happen. Hear me out, ‘kay?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Growing up I was about as open as Cersi in Game of Thrones.
I look back and wish things were different with my parents. Particularly my mom. I
was not easy to say the least. I was an enigma as only a teenage daughter can
be. Why did I shut down? I don’t know. I felt when they asked me how my day was, it was prying. When they said, “Let’s talk.” The walls went up hard core. I always felt like it was scheduled. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Now
is the time you tell us all the intimate details of your life and we will judge
you and tell you your choices are wrong. </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now of course I know that's not true. My parents
are the nicest, most loving people. But from a teenager’s perspective the
parents are the enemy. They are the people hindering you from growing up. You
are their kid. Forever their kid.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So now.… what can I do so this doesn’t happen with my girls?
And I have two of me. Oy. Is it too much to ask for the Lorelai/Rory
relationship?? Probably. I already see the signs. I ask them what they did at
school, they say they don’t want to talk about it. They go to their room and don’t
want me to come in. In fact Love Monster was mad at me the other day because I asked her to practice her spelling words. (I really am such a tyrant.) She ran to her room and slammed the door. I didn't follow her so she re-slammed the door to make sure I got the message. Geez.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What can I do?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will listen to them. When they talk, I listen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will not judge them. Be open.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will tell them every day that they are important. And I will show them everyday that they are important by putting them before my to do lists.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will sing them the goodnight song every night. “Good night
good night again I say good night. I love the Love<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Monster/Smirker I love her face. I want to
kiss her all over the place.” Then kiss them like crazy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will never shame them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will compliment them on their smarts and strength not just
their beauty.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will not yell. I will not yell. I will not yell.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will let them be themselves. Every bit themselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will not make talking intimidating or scheduled. It will
be over dinner, folding laundry, walks to the park, everywhere and anywhere.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I will hope that when their clock strikes thirteen the
walls will stay down. That they will trust in the foundation we’ve built. And
talk to me. And if they don't, know that they will come back to me. And be open and ready when that moment comes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I really enjoy having a plan by the way. I blame my
mom. But you know what happens with best laid plans…. I don’t want them to be
like I was. I had an iron wall around me and no one got in. Especially her. My
mom. And it didn't feel good. Now to put on some Gilmore Girls and fantasize a bit….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-89800918042736181492014-03-12T09:14:00.000-07:002014-03-12T09:14:39.375-07:00Every Mom has a Breaking Point: Part Two<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw a mom in Target the other day. She was down the aisle
from me trying to pick out some body wash. She had two kids with her and she
was hanging on by a thread. Her toddler was crying. The (maybe) seven year old
was touching everything in sight. “Stop it!” she snapped. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another woman in the aisle with us shook her head
disapprovingly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me? I wanted to hug that frazzled mom. I wanted to hug her
and tell her, “We’re not perfect. You’re having a bad day. It’s okay. Let’s go
get an Icee.” I should have, but I didn’t. She hurried away clearly having lost
it, feeling the daggers from the other woman in the aisle. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple years ago I would have been that other woman in the
aisle. Easily.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then I was judged and was called a bad mom and that
reeled me in hardcore.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Try not to judge<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m tired of that judgmental reaction so perfectly displayed
by the woman in Target. I’m tired of the lack of compassion I see. I used to
make many judgments of moms. Before I became a mom. After I became a mom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw parents with their kids on leashes and thought that
was horrible. Now I know better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh their parents need to just teach them that’s not okay!” I’ve
heard other moms say.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh it’s as simple as that is it? That kid on a leash might
be a “runner.” They might be autistic or have impulse control issues. That
leash might save them from running into the street and getting hit by a car. It
might save them from getting lost in the crowd. Do not judge. Don’t rush to
blame parents for their kid’s behavior. It may not necessarily be their fault.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be kind<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are quotes flying around facebook: “You can be right
or be kind. If you choose to be kind, you will always be right.” and “Be kind,
for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I don’t care who thinks it’s
cheesy. It is gospel. We tear each other down. Let’s stop. Be kind.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Think: What if it was
me?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hear a lot of, “That would NEVER happen to me.” “I would
NEVER do that.” I call bullshit. You don’t KNOW. I saw a horrific story about
parents who had left their kids in the backseat accidentally and their children
died from the heat. And you know how many comments were, “I would NEVER do
that!” ? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of them and that broke my
heart. You don’t KNOW. But these parents who thought their children were
somewhere safe are now raising awareness to the fact that things like this can
happen to anyone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please just take a second to think when you feel that rush
to judgment: What if it was me?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We make mistakes. Sometimes huge ones. We have to forgive
each other and ourselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Have tolerance.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We parents, for the most part, are doing the best we can.
Things aren’t going to go right all the time. The parents shoveling down their
dinner while their newborn baby is crying hysterically in the restaurant? Be
tolerant. Remember when that was you? This might be the only time they get out
of the house this week.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It takes a village.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes. More cheesy-ness! Bring it on. We’re all in this together. Why do you
think there are so many mom blogs? We want to feel less alone. All this
judgment isolates us. That is not what we need. As mothers. As people. In this
world of billions we can’t try to claim our own little corner and want to be
better then everyone else. We’re in this together and that’s nice isn’t it? And
if you are judgmental, I hope you’re don’t think I’m judging you. We all have
reasons why we do the things we do. Anyone can change. Maybe next time you see
that mom or dad struggling with their kids in the grocery store, offer up a
little compassion (even if it’s silently). It makes all the difference. It can
turn it all around. Not to mention, you’re kids soak up everything you do. If
you are kind, they will be. It’s win-win, when you’re nice it feels good. Try
it, lady-in-the-aisle-at-Target.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is a link to part of one this blog first published on
Mamiverse: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><br /></span>Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-19983569270307833982014-02-08T07:44:00.000-08:002014-02-08T07:44:56.744-08:00The Early Bird gets the Ice Cream: Love Monster's Birth StoryOh my dear Love Monster. I remember when you were more dream then real. My first born growing in my belly. We didn't know if you were a boy or girl. But I knew <i>you</i>. The connection felt so strong even before I held you in my arms.<br />
<br />
The pregnancy was more eventful then I would have liked. I had gestational diabetes and was put on a diet for the first time in my life. I had never been a dessert person before but suddenly I craved cakes and pies and cookies and ice cream, pounds and pounds of ice cream, which I could not have. I gained about 50 pounds which on my small (110 lb pre baby) frame was a bit shocking. Secretly I liked the weight. I've always been very insecure with my thin body and the fleshy curves made me feel more womanly then I did before.<br />
<br />
At the six month mark I got in a bad car accident. Driving home from the theatre about half way home, the breaks went out in my car. I swerved to the left so I wouldn't hit the person in front of me and prayed no one was in my path. Thankfully no one was. But the median came hurdling toward me. I still remember the calm panic I felt in those seconds before I hit the wall. It was a strange combo of deep fear and easy surrender. I have no doubt the fact that the Volvo I was in saved my life. My car was crushed all around the "cage" that protects people in the car. I remember getting out and standing in the car pool lane. The woman behind me was hysterical and on the phone. She was calling my then husband screaming she thought my arm was broken. The police woman talking to me was not compassionate at all. A man who had gotten out of the car was telling another police officer I was driving crazy. (MY F'ing BREAKS WENT OUT DUMB ASS!!!!!! Eyewitnesses suck.) Finally the paramedics took me to the hospital. All I had was bumps and bruises. I was very obviously pregnant but no one asked me about the baby. I remember thinking that was so weird. Finally I asked them to check. They said, "Have you felt the baby move?" I said "I think so. But please don't take my word for it!" Finally I got them to check. Love Monster's heartbeat was the sweetest sound. I drive past my accident spot everyday and it still scares me a bit.<br />
<br />
Anyway I digress, basically the pregnancy had it's moments.<br />
<br />
February 7, 2007- I had five weeks to go. Plenty of time to rest, organize, mentally prepare and take the birthing class. I had just started my maternity leave from teaching. I was eating a turkey sandwich at Corner Bakery with Love Monster's dad when I peed my pants. At least I thought I had. I didn't think much of it. LM's dad went to work. I mean peeing yourself happens to preggo chicks, but something didn't seem right. I listened to that voice in my head and called the doc.<br />
<br />
She asked "Did you have to change your panties?"<br />
<br />
"Yep."<br />
<br />
She told me to come in. She looked at the fluid under a microscope.<br />
<br />
"Hey check this out!" She said. I looked at all the cellular type nonsense through the lens. "That's your amniotic fluid. Your water broke."<br />
<br />
"So what does that mean?" I said. Denial was in full swing.<br />
<br />
"That's means your going over the hospital right now and having a baby."<br />
<br />
Well shit.<br />
<br />
I called LM's dad who had just pulled into work and he turned right around and came to the hospital. It did not feel real at all. I had had no contractions. My bag was packed but only because I'm a Virgo and I am the queen of being prepared, but was I prepared mentally? No way.<br />
<br />
"Is this okay?" I asked the doctor.<br />
<br />
"It's early. But it will be fine," she said smiling. "Your baby just wants to get here."<br />
<br />
Now looking back I don't know if this was her not trying to freak me out and maybe this could be bad, but I'm grateful for her, because I didn't worry. And knowing LM like I know her now, her coming early makes total sense. She waits for no one.<br />
<br />
3:00 pm- At the hospital it took an intern about 7 tries to get the IV in so that was awesome.<br />
<br />
The day went by uneventfully. No contractions were happening. Finally at Midnight they gave me Pitocin to get things going. Boy did that kick things into gear. I got my epidural a couple hours later and waited. Waited for you, my Love Monster.<br />
<br />
The epidural only worked on half my body. I could feel the contractions, but I could handle it. Sleep eluded me. The night was quiet except for the occasional scream from preggos becoming mamas down the hall. Laughter from the nurses station which annoyed me. And the beep of the machines around me.<br />
<br />
"I think it's time," I whispered to LM's dad around 6:55am.<br />
<br />
He ran out to get the nurses. She checked me and boy was I right. LM's head was right there. I had not seen my doctor since my visit to her office. They called her and said she was on her way.<br />
<br />
"Wait to push okay?" The nurse said.<br />
<br />
Yeah okay right!!<br />
<br />
I couldn't wait. Two more nurses came in. One held my hand.<br />
<br />
"I didn't take the birthing class," I told her a little panicked.<br />
<br />
"Aww girl you don't need those classes. I gotcha," she said and she totally did.<br />
<br />
An intern was on the side of the bed watching nervously. Another nurse was ready to catch.<br />
<br />
PUSH! I did. And I was way too efficient.<br />
<br />
"Wait! The doctor isn't here yet."<br />
<br />
Have you every tried to keep a baby in? Yeah that doesn't really work. LM wanted out.<br />
<br />
The doc came in on my last push. I pushed a total of 5 minutes. 7:16 am February 8th. Love Monster was here.<br />
<br />
Suddenly there was a million people in the room. The NICU team took LM right away to the bassinet and was making sure she was okay.<br />
<br />
The intern was very emotional. "This was my first birth!" She said.<br />
<br />
"What is it?" I yelled to the doctor getting up on my elbows.<br />
<br />
They looked at me puzzled.<br />
<br />
"Boy or girl??"<br />
<br />
"Girl!!!" They said smiling.<br />
<br />
"Are you sure?" I said partially to myself.<br />
<br />
I was sure I'd have a boy. I sunk back into the bed absorbing it all. A girl. I really had wanted a girl.<br />
<br />
Even though I know she'll hate me in high school.<br />
<br />
Finally they let me hold her. She looked like a little eskimo.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW_I_xgkywGn4Eq2RT7Ozf85rdzVMozyh9CBuJI1nDf4-rnlC6oHqeekwtBd5gfli3nCjT78vQL1gEXOVs322rswCeRZhk-4NNPbX0LDTPuefPbkFxdityUM2Gv0e6jVV7HNvED6FG7UTG/s1600/Scan1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW_I_xgkywGn4Eq2RT7Ozf85rdzVMozyh9CBuJI1nDf4-rnlC6oHqeekwtBd5gfli3nCjT78vQL1gEXOVs322rswCeRZhk-4NNPbX0LDTPuefPbkFxdityUM2Gv0e6jVV7HNvED6FG7UTG/s1600/Scan1.jpeg" height="204" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
She was tiny. I didn't get to hold her long. They were concerned about her breathing and vitals since she was a preemie and they whisked her away to the NICU. I remembered the words of my doctor, "It's early but it will be fine." It will be fine, I told myself.<br />
<br />
And I knew it would be. Even though I couldn't be with her right away.<br />
<br />
In the recovery room, I wrapped myself in the robe my mother had given me. The same robe she had worn in the hospital when she had me 30 years earlier. The nurses gave me the pictures below to keep by my bed until I could see my Love Monster. I knew it would be okay even though she was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and tubes. I waited patiently until I could hold her again. And tried to figure out how to use the breast pump which was oh so fun.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcjxvDmVppbqf03ukHg-fF6qhYWSYKMdaG6Lm-bDJ9RTGW_BCbgISlnRku_16KGU9RtGocccOEIHZQm_Ekz5a1hJyVVjlyQH3SenWHkUM2RpseEjrYndema2lmKFuMTxuQTW1uYLd3mkXZ/s1600/photo-72.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcjxvDmVppbqf03ukHg-fF6qhYWSYKMdaG6Lm-bDJ9RTGW_BCbgISlnRku_16KGU9RtGocccOEIHZQm_Ekz5a1hJyVVjlyQH3SenWHkUM2RpseEjrYndema2lmKFuMTxuQTW1uYLd3mkXZ/s1600/photo-72.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I could stare at that face all day.<br />
<br />
Her NICU nurses were amazing and loving. The toughest part was having to leave the hospital before she could. I hated leaving her. We were there morning until night the six days that followed and finally we got the call we could bring her home. It was Valentines day.<br />
<br />
We named LM a name that was a blend of beautiful and rough and tumble cool, which she embodies perfectly. I love you so intensely Love Monster. Being born early you caught up quickly physically, but emotionally and behavior-wise you were a bit behind. But babe that's okay. Love is the medicine I use to nurture you through some struggles you've had. You have come so far, my girl. You are smart and full of love, sensitive and creative, confident and fun and free. And I'm positive your obsession with ice cream has to do with my pregnancy cravings. We were one. You've changed me forever. I see so much of me in you (which is why I think we clash sometimes). I feel such a deep connection to you. We had already been through so much together. And today you turn seven! I cannot believe it.<br />
<br />
Happy Birthday, Love Monster.<br />
<br />
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My dad was sick when he first met her so my mom and had made him take precautions. :)<br />
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<br />Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-38891092829316437482014-01-08T14:43:00.001-08:002014-01-09T20:01:25.607-08:00I want to be just like you<div class="MsoNormal">
I have imaginary conversations with my daughters sometimes.
Late at night. Reflecting on something they said. In these conversations the
girls are sort of like zen versions of themselves, the wise part of them that’s
so obviously there minus most of the “trying-to-figure-out-life” kid craziness
that muddles that wisdom. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Here is a real
conversation I had with Love Monster recently.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- I want to be just like you Mama!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- Oh that’s so sweet, love.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then we went back to playing My Little Ponies.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Here is the imaginary
conversation I had in my head later that night.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- I want to be just like you Mama!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- No fucking way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I can say the F word
and stuff because this is all imaginary remember.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- No really I do mama.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- I am a pain in the ass.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- (Giggling) You said ass.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- But I get angry at the stupidest things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- You laugh at the silliest things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- No. I snap. I don’t have any patience. I make too many
damn lists. My priorities feel mixed up sometimes. I’ve thrown stuff when I’m
mad. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- You do crazy story time. You make yummy ice
cream sundaes. We made a spork-i-corn! We wrote comic books. You sing the
goodnight song every night.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- Have you heard how I talk to the direct TV guy when AMC
is messed up?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you heard?? Me and
customer service do not mix. You don’t want to be like me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- Do too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Quietly</i>) No.
No. No. No you don’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- I do.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- I have to eat every meal on time. If I don’t I’m a
nightmare. And don’t even get me started on my teen years. And I’ve yelled at
you and Smirker before for the stupidest stuff….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- Mama, I forgive you for yelling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I choke back a few
tears.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- We all make mistakes. That’s not the part I’m
talking about. We’re your daughters. We see you. We really see you. That’s the
part we love.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- Oh. (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Silence for a
bit. Love Monster holds my hand.)</i> I really don’t want you to talk to the Direct
TV guy like I did though.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- I won’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- Okay. Cool.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster- The eating thing might be hereditary though. I
need my snacks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me- That I can handle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why imaginary? I’m scared of them seeing me doubt
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want them to feel the
burden of that. They are sponges. I am their mirror. And I do NOT want them to
doubt their amazing selves. So I hold up and have the conversations in my
imagination. These imaginary conversations seem to illuminate something. Give
me some perspective. And the next day when we are playing ponies, I can think
how lucky I am to have to little girls that love me so much.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
And by the way, Love Monster? I want to be just like <i>you.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-3070910413228907622013-12-18T11:19:00.002-08:002013-12-18T11:19:43.528-08:00Love Monster and Smirker's Fantasy Christmas<div class="MsoNormal">
These aren’t their actual lists, but I know what they really
want.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Handwriting - Dakota"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Love Monster’s
Christmas List<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Smirker’s Pinky Pie train
set<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- The neighbors recycling bin
(they drink lots of beer and use lots of toilet paper and I have crafts to
make!!!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- The door to Narnia<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A puppy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A penguin<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A train ticket to Ponyville
(one for Smirker too)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Smirker to listen to me (Doesn’t
she know I’m in charge?) OR a robot version of Smirker. That will work too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- An endless supply of ice
cream<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- An endless supply of boxes.
All kinds. All sizes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A portal to get to Nama and
Napa’s house in Chicago<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A megaphone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- For Smirker to not leave me
to go into mama’s bed at night<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Scotch tape<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A classroom of my own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Fossils<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Snow <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- All the nutcrackers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- For my clown show to go on
tour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- For Girl X at school to
smile at me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Paper to write stories and
comics<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Handwriting - Dakota"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Smirker’s Christmas
List<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Pinky Pie train set<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Candy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- To sleep in Mama’s bed
every night gripped to her like a little baby koala<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A crayon that doesn’t
scribble<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- The God puppet from school
to do shows at my house<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Candy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Bubble bath<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- For Love Monster to not
drink my drinks “all gone”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Toothpaste<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- All the sparkle dresses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- For Mama to carry me around
upside down <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A portal to Nama and Napa’s
house in Chicago<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Candy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- To be able to sing without
anyone hearing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- A car. Not a kid fake
plastic car. Not a hot wheel. A real car. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Make up (Again not that
fake stuff. The real deal.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Deodorant<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- To Sleep in Love Monster's bed until I transfer to Mama's </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Candy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Every color nail polish<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- For everyone to understand
everything I say<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">- Candy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If they got everything on
this list, their life would be complete. I watch them. I know them. It’s funny
to know these little people almost as much as I know myself. And yet I know
they have secret sides that only they know. I treasure this transparency I feel
now, because I know there’s a good chance with half my genes that they will put
a wall up in a few years. And a year will come I won’t know their imaginary
Christmas lists. But for now… I know them pretty well. I treasure now. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Merry
Christmas, my lovelies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-10425161447397079962013-11-13T11:09:00.001-08:002013-11-21T20:57:32.346-08:00Emulating the Mean Girl“I’m glad I’m skinny,” Love Monster, my daughter, said to
me. She stared at the mirror happily.<br />
<br />
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She’s six.</div>
<br />
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<o:p> </o:p>My stomach dropped. Where did she get that?? Certainly not
from me. Skinny was always an insulting word to me. And truthfully I wouldn’t
call her skinny. She’s tall, but she’s not small. Athletically built. But the
fact that she thinks she’s skinny and that that is a good thing to be worried
me. It didn’t take long for me to figure out who she got this from. We’ll just
call her GIRL X.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“I hope GIRL X likes my outfit today,” She said still
staring in the mirror, her happiness giving way to anxiety.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>I bit my tongue. I needed to think
through what I was going to say. Saying “FUCK GIRL X!” was not appropriate or
right in any way.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>GIRL X. The girl who made Love Monster think skinny is best
body to have. GIRL X, the girl who Love Monster wanted to please, is also the
girl who bullied her.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>I didn’t think I’d have to worry about any of this for
years. But here we were in Kindergarten and the mean girl routine was starting
on the playground.</div>
<br />
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<o:p> </o:p>“I think GIRL X will like this dress.”</div>
<br />
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<o:p> </o:p>“I thought you wanted to wear your favorite dress?” I asked
her.</div>
<br />
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<o:p> </o:p>“No. GIRL X thinks it looks like pajamas.”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>Again I was fuming, but calmed down. We needed to get to
school.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>That day Love Monster had to bring in her 100 days of school
project. And who did we see in the hallway as we walked into the school? GIRL
X. Awesome. Love Monster ran up to her smiling in anticipation, poised for
certain praise, angling her bright pink poster board covered in exactly 100
Cherrios in the shape of a heart just right. “Hi! Do you like my project?”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>I clutched LM’s shoulder wishing I could brace her for
impact.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>GIRL X looked at it like it piece of shit smeared into the
ground, shrugged and walked away. Love Monster was crushed.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>Mean girls. There’s no avoiding them. Maybe this type of Kindergarten
bullying seems like nothing. The making fun of how someone is dressed, exclusion,
the well used sentence “I won’t be your friend.” (If I hear a kid say that one more time.... ugh!)</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>But I’m telling you at that age, it’s devastating. They
don’t think it’s small. How others feel about you and how you feel about
yourself is so easily intertwined. It starts so early. What scares me is the
evolution of this bullying that is inevitable if we don’t stop it. Kindergartners
don’t have Facebook. They don’t text horrible things about each other to the
entire school. Yet. It’s the beginning. And it’s such a crucial time. They are
making friends and learning their identity outside their family. And then they
met the mean girl. And they want to be her. She is revered and feared. It seems
safer maybe. It’s like Heathers all over again.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>I was bullied as a kid. Skinny. Glasses. A football helmet
perm. I was an easy target. I brushed it off as teasing, but it sucked and hurt
deeply. I also had awesome friends that made up for the enemies. And thank god
it wasn’t the internet/cell phone age.. The thought makes me shudder. In 1988,
yeah I might get teased at school, but when I got home, I was in the safety
zone. It’s not the safety zone for kids anymore with computers and cell phones.
Honestly because of those years it took a long time for me to get comfortable
with my body. Not until just last year I think. I’m 37 years old.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>I don’t want that to be the case for my girls and I
certainly don’t want worse. The stories in the news are heartbreaking. The only
way out some of these kids see is death. It’s terrifying the power bullies seem
to have. So the fear I have is not irrational.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>But then I had the most reassuring parent/teacher conference
the other week.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“Love Monster is a great self-advocate,” one of her teachers
said. “If someone is being mean, she tells them she doesn’t like it. And if
they apologize, she accepts, smiles and keeps on playing.” </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
She’s come a long way since last year and the GIRL X days of
Kindergarten. I never really hated GIRL X. I think we all know the ones
who hurt are probably hurting the most. I hope she’s not anymore.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I pray for Love Monster’s continued strength and confidence.
The night of the “Skinny Incident,” I addressed it with LM. There’s something
about bedtime, tucking them in, that is vulnerable. Love Monster put on her
smile, but there was something anxious underneath it.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“You know I’m so happy with how strong and healthy you are.
Aren’t you?”</div>
<br />
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“Yes!” Love Monster said.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“I’m strong too!” Smirker interjected showing us her
muscles.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“Yes you are! You know what matters most is how you feel
about what you did today. Were you proud of you project?”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“Yes,” she said tentatively, a “but” on the tip of her tongue.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“That is what matters. She’s not your friend babe. Friends
don’t make you feel that way.”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“But I should still be nice to her?”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“Yep. People are not always nice. And it probably has
nothing to do with you. Be compassionate. Think of that person as you. How
would you feel? Be kind.”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>“That’s easy.”</div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">I laughed. Not always easy.
But the concept sure is. I said quite a few cliché things. I didn’t know if it
would stick. But it must have. Because the next day she wore her favorite “PJ”
dress to school <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">with
a huge smile on her face.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a> </span></span></div>
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</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"></span></span> 11/21/2013 UPDATE:<br />
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I feel strongly compelled to add something to this blog
post. Love Monster came home the other day from school with a scratch on her
face that was bleeding. It took two days of her dad and I asking about it for her to tell us what
happened. Finally she admitted a boy did it on purpose. She didn’t tell a teacher
about it because she was “being brave.” A little part of me broke inside. She
really thought that was the right thing to do. When people are bullied, they
become afraid to speak up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Speak up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please speak up. Ask for help. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Love Monster, there is NO shame in that. No shame in
telling someone.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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She nodded clutching Bees her favorite bear once again
tucked into her covers, cloaking her in the safe vulnerability of bedtime.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Promise?” I asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Promise.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-29086240564255842282013-10-07T11:00:00.000-07:002013-10-07T11:00:48.090-07:00The Rush<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had a dream the other night. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m driving on the freeway. For some reason that’s faded
away I have my seatbelt off. Suddenly I stop. I see a mess of cars behind me
not stopping. There is an impact. I fly up, no glass breaking, just up. I know
death is imminent. My cell phone appeared in my hand. I looked. No more phone contacts,
it said. This somehow confirmed my death. Then I, in my now my soul form, am on
the side of the road. I see three people carefully moving my body. It looks
awkward and limp. Odd. Very weekend at Bernie without the sunglasses and
without humor. My eyes won’t close. They look milky. “They won’t close because
she wants to see them one last time,” one of them said. And I know she’s right.
That’s why they won’t close. I need to see Love Monster and Smirker one last
time, but I can’t. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I woke up feeling disturbed. But I also knew exactly what it
meant. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hurry up!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sick of saying this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hurry up. Be quick. Be faster. Faster. Faster!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sick of feeling this. In this constant state of hurry. I’m
sick of seeing the anxiousness of my girls’ faces because they feel my urgency.
Not a day goes by that don’t say “Hurry up” to my kids… numerous times.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am of sick of this being my baseline. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For as long as I’ve remembered I’ve had a very fast internal
clock. And sometimes that’s served me very well. You need somebody to get
something done; I’m your gal. I get shit done. But I’ve finally realized it’s
also a disservice. Because that clock still runs when I’m playing with the kids
or giving them a bath or on a lazy Sunday morning. That “hurry up” voice stirs
me. And I tense up. I have a short fuse. I feel like a bomb is going to go off
if I don’t get the kids out the door by 7:25 on a school day. Backpacks on!
Shoes on! Lunches! One last smell of your guys (Don’t ask. It just their
thing.) and out the door! Faster! Faster! The intensity of the “hurry up” is as
if I am living in a James Bond film. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in reality, for the most part, two minutes makes no
difference.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We live in a “hurry up” culture<i>. Get out of my way. I don’t have time! Faster. Come on!!!</i> And why?
Yeah sometimes we actually have somewhere, but really why? We rush down
freeways cursing anyone who is not driving as fast as we are. We rush strangers
for not crossing the street fast enough. We rush our kids when they are taking
a bath because it’s nearly their bedtime and God forbid they don’t make it
exactly in time. I don’t want to wait for a wake up call; a car accident or
finding years went by and realizing I rushed through moments with loved ones
just to get to the next one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe not all of you deal with this. For those of you, I’m
glad you don’t. But if you do the good news is, there is hope!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did an experiment. I would not say the words “hurry up” or
any variation of that for one month. I failed miserably the first few days. “Hurry
up!” would fall out of my mouth before I could stop myself. But I became crazy
aware of it. I took a tally one day. I thought or said some variation of “hurry
up” 29 times.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I started the experiment. I didn’t do it for me. I did
for my girls. I didn’t like the stress I passed onto them when I rushed them. I
could see it. And I didn’t like it. I wanted to break the cycle of impatience.
“Do what I say not as I do” does not work as we all know. But when I started
implementing my challenge I discovered something. Calm would wash over me when
I made the decision in the moment to stop the rush and my short temper all but
disappeared. I honestly hadn’t connected the two, the fast internal clock and
my short fuse, but they are deeply connected. I am doing this for the girls. We
have more quality moments and they feel less stressed. But I am doing it for me
too. I feel like I discovered a secret. More often then not these moments I
stop the rush, I find a little magic. Even if it’s for a moment. An extra
second of connection with my girls. A smile from a stranger. Or even if it’s
just a release of anxiety. It’s worth it. When you rush other people you pass
your stress onto them like a virus. I don’t think I’m overstating it when I say
you minimize their worth. The same goes for ourselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know some of you might be thinking, <i>YOU might be able to do that, but not me. I can’t do that. I don’t have
time.</i> (There’s that phrase again.) I work full time, write a blog, write
kid’s books, I’m a mom, help at the kids school, I’m part of a fantastic
women’s group and try to be a great fiancé. I’m not bragging, I would actually
like to have less to do. I’m just saying if <u>I </u>can do it, you can do it. You
might say to yourself, <i>I’ll do it. I’ll
do it later, when I have time.</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do it now. (Yes I’m being bossy.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I notoriously have ZERO patience. None. I ripped my
sunglasses in half, hulk- style, when I got in a bad traffic jam on the way to
work one day. That happened. People have laughed at my lack of composure at
times. It’s a staple of my personality I’ve decided to ax. And I can. It’s not
easy and I slip up. Often. But I’m much better then I was. The awareness is
almost enough. Bottom line is that I thought my patience would bring others
more happiness when it’s also brought me more of my own.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The dream. At first I thought it was about how I hurry while
I’m driving. But it’s more then that. I’m more afraid of missing moments
because of the usual everyday hurry. I refuse to do it anymore.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hurry or you’ll miss
it.</i> I used to tell myself. When you hurry, you miss it anyway. You just
trick yourself into thinking you didn’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Check out my That Girl Speaks Video: Slow down. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.iamthatgirl.com/that_girl_speaks_slow_down">http://www.iamthatgirl.com/that_girl_speaks_slow_down</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-13038187594665207812013-09-18T09:10:00.004-07:002013-09-18T09:11:31.706-07:00Holding Hands: Smirker's birth story<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I never wrote down my girls’ birth stories. I thought it was
about time I did. I’ll try to get as many details as I can right It’s been a
while! It’s Smirker’s fourth birthday today (and also mine incidentally). Though
she was second born, she gets her story out there first. Here’s to you,
birthday buddy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
September 17, 2009- It was about a week before my due date.
I was really happy I had gotten that far. Love Monster was born five weeks
early and I did not want to go through that again. We knew it was a girl.
Though nobody else did. We had a bit of a scare with the triple screen test and
were advised to get an amnio. Everything ended up coming back fine, but at the
time I needed some immediate good news. So I found out the sex. Everyone else
thought we were waiting. It was our little secret. My brother and sister-in-law
were in town visiting from Chicagoland. I was feeling good. I was soaking up
the last days I’d have with Love Monster as an only child. Man she really was a
wild child. (Still is, but, man, back then she really had no restraint.) We
were hanging out in the backyard when I started feeling contractions. Now I had
a lot Braxton Hicks going on so I thought it was nothing. But I had my sister
in law time them anyway and they were coming pretty regularly. Still I thought
nothing of it. Two and a half year old Love Monster was keeping me busy not
staying still and knocking over everyone’s drinks. That night my sister-in-law
met up with a friend and my bro, Smirker’s dad and I hung out at the house. I
put Love Monster to sleep. I remember that kiss goodnight. I think I knew
inside this would be the last goodnight song I’d sing just to her. (Good night…
Good night… again I’d say good night I love my Mack I love her face, I want to
kiss her all over the place…) About 10pm my brother headed back to the hotel.
Smirk’s dad went to bed. I don’t know if it was the sudden quiet in the house
(when Love Monster goes to bed the silence is deafening), but that’s when the contractions
started feeling… real. I paged the doc. I called my brother who had just gotten
back to the hotel and told them they had to come back and watch LM. It was
time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Between it being four years ago and my mind not feeling
clear for obvious reasons, things get a little spotty here.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The car ride. I remember the song “Lighting Crashes” by Live
was playing and I hastily changed the channel.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hospital. We checked in and there was craploads of
paperwork. And they kept saying. “What’s your birthdate?” September 18. “Oh
wow! You guys are going to have the same birthday.” I remember not really
realizing that until that moment. I never thought that would happen. Pretty
cool. Me, the normally “I need a lot of attention on my birthday” person was
not around. I felt pretty stoked to share.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Birthing room. I waited until 1 am to get an epidural. Sweet
relief. It felt very smooth. I remember feeling on a different plane. I know
that sounds hokey. But I felt that way. It was a good thing. I felt like my
body knew exactly what it was doing. Working just as it should. No nervousness
like with LM. It didn’t feel foreign. At 4:15am I pushed out Smirker. Perfect.
Tiny. Adorable. A mess of dark hair. Beautiful, melty chocolate eyes. (And no
episodemy. YEAH!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was here. My birthday sister. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyy2t50SZn1zvfk3jbVrGJ-tu95X4h2BTUUVK_HokDTgAFXovMwzjC2J9qHBDYASSLsGBwqwzxKxDK2nEALd4QjCMg8-QsQcCYR5-mnVwXe6vSberZA8NBViZ6zwtGWSV-B39orAQzUnL6/s1600/Zoe_newborn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyy2t50SZn1zvfk3jbVrGJ-tu95X4h2BTUUVK_HokDTgAFXovMwzjC2J9qHBDYASSLsGBwqwzxKxDK2nEALd4QjCMg8-QsQcCYR5-mnVwXe6vSberZA8NBViZ6zwtGWSV-B39orAQzUnL6/s320/Zoe_newborn.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her dad went back to LM who would wake up not even knowing
we had left since everything went so fast.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then… I started to feel not so right. And I didn’t know
how to articulate it to anyone. The pediatrician came in to check on Smirker
and she gave me a concerned look, “Are you okay?” I didn’t know the pain was so
clear on my face. Truthfully I don’t think I realized I was in pain until then.
“No, I’m not,” I said. And she walked quickly to get the nurse. The nurse
looked at me. I probably mumbled out something to her. I don’t really remember,
but I do remember she said: You just had a baby. You’re going to feel a little
pain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I had had a baby before. I knew I wouldn’t feel like
running a marathon but this was different. Something was wrong. Here’s where
things get very foggy. I remember bullet points.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->I moved rooms. More of a group recovery room.
Don’t have any idea why. But Smirker was there so I concentrated on her face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Suppository shoved up the bootie. It felt like shards
of glass.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->I kept looking at Smirks to keep calm.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->My belly hurt. A lot.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--> Back in
my room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Ultrasound<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
***IT
GETS A LITTLE GRAPHIC HERE. SORRY ABOUT THAT.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
Then
my doctor arrived. She said very kindly, “This is going to hurt. You have blood
clots and I have to pull them out.” That’s exactly what it sounds like. I
gripped the nurse’s hands. I was grateful that she was a petite Asian woman
with small hands, but that was some serious pain. I do not recommend hands up
the hoo ha. She pulled out 3 or 4 giant blood clots. I had been bleeding
internally and no one knew it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
Everyone
was glad that was over, especially me. I held and breast fed Smirker then tried
to sleep. When I woke, I still felt
pretty hazy. To be expected I guess. Smirk’s dad brought me my favorite chicken
parm dinner from Carmine’s, but I didn’t have the energy to eat it. I lay back
in the bed. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t find my voice. I remember feeling like
I was fading away. That is what it felt like, like I would just disappear in
the bed. I kept my hand in Smirker’s bassinet. Sounds around me were muted. I
was cold. Not the normal “Beth is annoyingly cold all the time” cold, but bone
deep cold. I do remember thinking. Oh yeah, it’s my birthday. Yay. I know my
girls’ dad grabbed the nurse and said things still weren’t right. He sounded
far away. At 5am they finally took a blood count. They calmly told me, I had
lost over a liter and a half of blood and I needed a transfusion. I had been
hemorrhaging all day. The nurses told me later, when they saw the count they
had panicked a little at the nurse’s station.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
The
transfusion. Well that was awesome. Like really awesome. I literally felt
myself coming back to life. I totally get the vampire thing. I certainly felt
reborn that day. And through this whole thing, little Smirker was there,
waiting, perfectly calm. I was completely present with her and did as much as I
could that first day until I couldn’t. I missed a few diaper changes and
feedings that first 24 hours. But her eyes and soul got me through it. Thank you
for holding my hand and continuing to hold it. I love you so much my girl. I’ve
said it before and I’ll say it again, best birthday present ever (minus the
whole blood loss thing). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6WHYHbCDVWuFy2sXQOdAKb8wdIOEYU6rgfbZsaAef_OoXvAdunpITcDXNRqV_Vxyv7xgwOJys6Y9NM3biN-CQ9IzbFXrhYUbit8Q_JKtlvnjW_hkoC2bmVevDhvdEixs1ezzd-m4PHPka/s1600/Zoe_Newborn2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6WHYHbCDVWuFy2sXQOdAKb8wdIOEYU6rgfbZsaAef_OoXvAdunpITcDXNRqV_Vxyv7xgwOJys6Y9NM3biN-CQ9IzbFXrhYUbit8Q_JKtlvnjW_hkoC2bmVevDhvdEixs1ezzd-m4PHPka/s320/Zoe_Newborn2.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Love Monster meeting Smirker for the first time. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVxIlSaHN0D6vjuZxQbOMQ3699nwYJ0NzVd-RpsjuvS_xSH4kLiDmZWUUzbxYcUpOQx1_8KfkBGb1-epCJa95s_q2_j4SlC1vMsu76f9fQ3YIN9mKMEVfltuDYb-zSY0XOIsTEx1xUXhy4/s1600/Zoe_Frank_newborn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVxIlSaHN0D6vjuZxQbOMQ3699nwYJ0NzVd-RpsjuvS_xSH4kLiDmZWUUzbxYcUpOQx1_8KfkBGb1-epCJa95s_q2_j4SlC1vMsu76f9fQ3YIN9mKMEVfltuDYb-zSY0XOIsTEx1xUXhy4/s320/Zoe_Frank_newborn.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And perhaps my favorite picture of the two of them. I mean seriously!!! I call it "the accidental flip off."<br />
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<!--EndFragment-->Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-90738116111260188392013-08-11T14:46:00.003-07:002013-08-11T14:46:48.245-07:00Rage Against the Mama
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There is a seriously dark side to 3-year olds. At least in
my experience. <i>Dark </i>might be a little
dramatic. I immediately pictured 3 year olds killing their dolls in their sleep
or worse. That is NOT happening. Anyway, I’m sticking with dark side. Smirker’s
got a serious mean streak. I don’t remember this with Love Monster. I mean,
knowing my horrible memory it probably was exactly this way and I blogged about
it, but this seems different. Smirker is stubborn. Like really fucking stubborn.
Like it’s gotten to the point where I give into her WAY too much. She’s bullies
me for candy and I’m like the nerd getting shoved into the locker.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I know. Look at her. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYop2Tlp0_DbTuA-4bbtYMDJVQXq9cGdBIK84uuRcqQYZLX2Ow1tO2AnDCgWZq-Em5zJgPdGLTWhAN4r4Ew2piy5JOZTtBIyGHqGPYSZIDdo3fuumqufTFM8Ad1-8HsSpLWhRzHl_8VFc8/s1600/IMG_4612.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYop2Tlp0_DbTuA-4bbtYMDJVQXq9cGdBIK84uuRcqQYZLX2Ow1tO2AnDCgWZq-Em5zJgPdGLTWhAN4r4Ew2piy5JOZTtBIyGHqGPYSZIDdo3fuumqufTFM8Ad1-8HsSpLWhRzHl_8VFc8/s320/IMG_4612.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay Okay I'll give you my lunch money! I know. No not HER right? She looks like the sweetest! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me give you some examples.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had pizza one night. Easy right. The girls LOVE pizza.
But no Smirks wasn’t in the mood. I gave her a slice and she threw a fit
because pepperoni wasn’t covering every square inch. She got so pissed we
didn’t have a piece that she envisioned she balled up the piece on her plate until
it was an unrecognizable ball of goo. Love Monster studied her the entire time
(enjoying her pizza like any normal kid) and at one point said. “ I don’t see
any tears mama.” Good observation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then there was the time she wouldn’t put on pants. You would
think I was trying to make her wear a bee hive. Oh my lord. I took her to
Trader Joe’s in her undies.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If she’s not into the dinner I’ve prepared, she will scream
“COUSY!” (short for cous-cous) until she gets it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a bath if I try to cradle her in my arms she will yell
“No baby! Hold me big girl!” Oy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then there was the time that I wiped a booger off her
face and she burst into tears because she wanted it back. Yeah. That happened.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the morning when she comes in the cuddle with me she MUST
be on the left side of me and if Love Monster has beat her to that spot, its’
WW 3 in what was my wonderfully peaceful bed moments ago.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She has a few go to insults: “crybaby” if she’s pissed off
and crying. “You’re not invited to my party!” (Doesn’t matter if a party is
soon or not.) And “I’ll poop in your socks!” (though thank goodness she
doesn’t.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Then there’s the time she wanted more ketchup on her plate but when I put it on
she got mad because SHE wanted to do it. So she scraped the ketchup off her plate
onto mine, put more on her plate, ate a couple bites smiled and walked away.
Damn.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love Monster takes this all in stride. She usually looks at
Smirker calmly and reminders her of a manta their dad taught them, “Navarros
don’t whine.” I love that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I think I’ve already facebooked about the time I
wouldn’t give her candy for breakfast (What a bitch of a mom am I???) and she
ran to her bedroom, slammed the door and started singing the song she learn
from a Barbie movie “HERE I AM! I DO WHAT I WANT! I GIVE WHAT I GOT! NEVER A
DOUBT NOW!” By the way at that point I don’t think she’d ever said so many
words in a row. So I was sort of stoked AND thought it was hilarious. I let her
get away with too much, because she is so damn cute and funny. And she freakin’
knows it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what the hell chicky? If any adult acted this way, we would
wonder why the hell we hung out with this douchebag. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She’s just like you, you know,” my fiancé said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BOOM! Deafening silence.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grrr. He’s right. (Yep that’s in writing babe. You win.
Crochet that on a pillow or something.) And I think I actually still sort of
act like this sometimes in my less then stellar moments. Who’s the douche now?
Yeah I know I’ve just spent about 600 words basically complaining about my
almost 4 year old. But her stubbornness is so epic it was worth a blog post.
But even with all of this, she also really is the sweetest. She will
say thank you and no thank you without need of a reminder. She cuddles super good. And says stuff like,
“You know, I like you a lot.” She gives the best kisses. She also is really
into the word “Evil” right now. I find that adorable. And when she’s really
mad, I’ve figured out a good trick. Make her accidentally smile. Then the real
Smirker comes out. But then that usually backfires and she get even more mad
that I made her smile. At least she doesn’t practice her crying in front of the
mirror like Love Monster used to. Now that I’ve gotten this out I pledge to not
let her be the bully that pushes me in the locker. This is a stage and let’s
get through this damn thing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-29910272128303324892013-07-06T12:20:00.002-07:002013-07-12T17:33:56.173-07:00Huffing Bees<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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I think it’s about time I introduce you to another member of
our household. Bees. Bees the bear.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s seen better days. Love Monster got him from one of my
best friends days after she was born. You never know which thing they get will
become THE ONE. Bees did. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisW9W0jXVaGxINQxrF8GHlRHxzVkmZzinDusHJT2A7zFbcSjMTAe2fgmUcr5WB6TBSCmCVs0-HHPyCgHNND-L3GbeyUzECE9fjE7d40k6fw4RaYRrZ_hFwNfJWX1WPLW5EfOKLrxuOmD_Q/s1600/IMG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisW9W0jXVaGxINQxrF8GHlRHxzVkmZzinDusHJT2A7zFbcSjMTAe2fgmUcr5WB6TBSCmCVs0-HHPyCgHNND-L3GbeyUzECE9fjE7d40k6fw4RaYRrZ_hFwNfJWX1WPLW5EfOKLrxuOmD_Q/s320/IMG.jpg" height="208" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjqUo7AR2orf6ism7jScWi5VUWh0RgslVicjmKMJc61QBgtJlv581sFQ7zw7yAuzXDRsuGPkowzRHETMklePKGUfxP-ihf2DzYxzQM_43xBhV2ZlVdvrx1dnXHC6bFPrYqhOKl-U4YRUsg/s1600/IMG_3749.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjqUo7AR2orf6ism7jScWi5VUWh0RgslVicjmKMJc61QBgtJlv581sFQ7zw7yAuzXDRsuGPkowzRHETMklePKGUfxP-ihf2DzYxzQM_43xBhV2ZlVdvrx1dnXHC6bFPrYqhOKl-U4YRUsg/s320/IMG_3749.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s about to disintegrate.
He’s already lost his balls. (The balls in his feet sickos.) His armpits have
been stitched up countless times. He can no longer withstand the washing
machine so fabreeze is our friend. And truthfully
it’s best we can’t wash him too much. LM hates it when he doesn’t smell like
himself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I need to smell him!!!!” then Love Monster huffs him like a
fume addict huffs their static cling spray before getting out of the car for school. It brings her so much
comfort. He’s as real and important to her as anyone in our family. And I have
to admit he’s as real to me too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>So Love Monster, tell
me, what is it about Bees that makes him so special?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s soft. I like smelling him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Cool. What do you
like doing with him?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like sleeping with him a lot.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Gonna let that
elephant of a joke in the room go. Anything else you’d like us to know about
Bees?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s allergic to pepper. He told me so.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s another thing. He talks. Not like pull a string and
he’ll talk. LM is his ventriloquist. His voice sounds like a raspy old vaudevillian
woman’s which makes sense because he stars in their clown shows often times. I
could have a made a killing off the girls in the early 1900’s. Their show rocks
by those standards.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s traveled with us to Chicago. He is her guy. Her best
friend. Her keeper of secrets. But she also knows the limits. He only comes in
the car or stays at home. No where else. This because he’s getting too tattered
and because we’ve had one too many emergencies because we left him somewhere. And that is a disaster. No matter what time or where we are, he must be retrieved.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">It’s an interesting
phenomenon, I think, when your kid has that lovie that they attach too. (Or
maybe I just have too much time on my hands.) I find nothing wrong with it. We
adults have things we are attached to. It might not be a teddy bear. Maybe it’s
our computer, favorite book, that perfectly worn in tee-shirt. It’s our stress
reliever. Bees gives LM that little bit of comfort that she needs sometimes. Bees
was the first being she loved, outside her papa and I. Her first sibling,
before Smirker came into this world. He’s pretty special. I hate to see his
tatters and frays, but Love Monster doesn’t mind them. It means he loves me,
she told me once. Yes it does.</span><!--EndFragment-->Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-6708476961231817322013-06-10T11:00:00.000-07:002013-06-10T11:00:00.842-07:00Smirker minus her Red Hot Chili Pepper
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My tummy hurts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Smirker came into my room every hour starting at midnight on
May 2.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My tummy hurts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How many times do we hear that as parents? A lot. It could
be anything. Gas. A bad piece of cheese. A ploy to get into mama’s bed, which
is what I was betting on that night. In the morning she had a fever and still
was insistent on the tummy pain. My fiancé said “Hmmm that could be the
appendix.” Nah. I thought. Couldn’t be. I’ll keep her here at work from home
today. She’ll probably poop out her tummy trouble. But my fiancé’s words nagged
in my head. My girl looked miserable, but none of the usual flu-like stomach
symptoms. Then she said something that sealed the deal. “I need to go doctor.” She
hates the doctor. “I need to go doctor, Mama.” I them called right away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pediatrician sent us to the ER after she asked Smirker
where her tummy hurt and she pointed to the right side of her belly every time.
I stopped and home and grabbed essentials: ipad, computer, chargers, Dora
blanket, lambie, monkey and cow. And off to the ER we went.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We valeted. (How L.A. are we?) and waited. Smirker’s dad met
us there and finally they called her in
to get her vitals. I braced myself for this to go badly. She sees scrubs, she
screams in terror. But she was good as can be and it worried me. Is she feeling
that horrible? Well after looking at her it was a combo of two things. She felt
like shit. That was for sure. But she had dreamy eyes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She is so good!” The tech getting her blood pressure said.
Yeah <u>for you</u>. He was young and cute and she was flirting hard core. She
bat her lashes. For real. Where do they learn this??? Oy. That’s my girl.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then we are put in an ER room. And they say it’s time for an
IV. She needs fluids. She screamed and cried while they got the IV in. Where
was hot tech guy when we needed him??? Meanwhile they were trying to distract
me with ER forms. I could barely fill them out. I clutched the clipboard to my
chest, sort of scrawled out some info and stared at Smirker. The nurse asked me
if I was sketching. Looking at my stance that’s what it looked like. Weird
moment. Nope. Just freaking out my three year old is in the ER and getting
needles shoved in her. They put her in a space koala hospital gown, which she
liked because it was purple. And we waited for them to take us up to get an
ultrasound. Then we would get some answers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They wheeled in an ancient TV and VCR and we watched
Pocahontas before finally she had to pee! Urine sample time! Whoo hoo!. She
thought it was silly that they wanted her pee, but it went well. Finally they
were ready for her ultrasound. They pushed Smirker and her dad in a wheelchair
up to the ultrasound room. I practically ran to keep up. (Those transport guys
are fast!) I lay with her in the bed while they gooeyed up her stomach with the
ultrasound thingy. Smirker was so good. She kept saying, “Make me better? Make
me better?” Yeah babe soon. The ultrasound tech was tight lipped as they
usually are. And we went back to our room to wait once more for the doc’s
results.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About an hour later, the surgical resident came in and said,
“Yes we need to take her appendix out. Rare in someone this young.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This whole time I was sure they would send us home. I was
sure they’d say, ahhh she’s just constipated. But nope. My little three-year-old
is going to have surgery. And yes I know this is routine. This is the appendix
for godsake. This is common. But I did
not like this one bit. Surgery was scheduled for 9:00pm. They don’t want to
take a chance that the appendix might burst. So officially checked in we were.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Checking into her hospital room was surreal. The last time I
was in a room like this was when I delivered her. And here we were again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ran home while her dad stayed with her. I showered and
grabbed a change of clothes. My fiancé had a bag packed for me and told me to
tell Smirker that he bought “rainbow” for her. (She’s addicted to Rainbow sherbet.)
They took us on a ride down to the surgical ward. Smirks liked riding in her
bed. I rode with her. She giggled a lot. I think she was nervous. We waited by
the nurse’s station. They doted on her. I haven’t mentioned this yet, but every
single person Smirks has met is enamored. Well she is the freakin cutest! They
hook her up with a stuffed cat and an ipad and she watches old Wile E Coyote
cartoons.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then the anesthesiologist comes and says. “Ok. I’m going to give
her some happy juice so she’s ok when we take her away from you.” (PASS THAT HAPPY
JUICE OVER HERE PLEASE!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The happy juice is awesome. I can tell. Smirker takes her
new cat and proceeds to make him pee on my face. “Mama, cat pee on your face!”
The nurses laugh and say it must be the before surgery cocktail, but little do
they know this is the normal shit she would say. Then they say it’s time to go.
I climb out of the bed and they push her down the hall. She waves goodbye deliriously
like she was off to the fair. I could practically see the pinwheel in her hand.
Her dad and I went to the waiting room and set our clocks for one hour. And we
watch that bloody ass Hannibal TV show for some fucked up reason.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The surgeon comes out (who is AWESOME). “It went perfectly.
Her appendix needed to be out that’s for sure. But we caught it before it
burst. It was a little red hot chili pepper.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first thought was, Can I take it home? But I told myself
to let that idea go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then they let me go into recovery. This is a new thing I
think. They let parents of small kids go in now. I didn’t like it in there. The
vibe is strange. I see Smirker. She’s just coming out of the anesthesia. Have
you seen someone come out of anesthesia? It’s scary. She had all sorts of tubes
and monitors connected to her and she was freaking out, contorting herself,
arching her back, eyes squeezed shut. And she was calling for me, “Mama! I want
mama!” She wouldn’t keep the oxygen mask on. She kept pulling it off, but she
needed it. So they put her in my arms in a chair next to the bed and had me try
to hold it on. “I’m here. I’m here.” I whispered to her. She calmed and fell
asleep again. I held the mask over her face. After a while I put her back in
the bed and climbed in next to her. I stayed with her until they felt she was ready
to go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I looked over and a nurse walked in just starting her shift
and our eyes connected. She looked confused for a second then saw Smirker and
smiled. “Oh I was going to say, you look great for just having surgery!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I took a look at Smirker’s bandage over her belly button. It
was a heart. That made me feel better in the moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2vY-6e2cxb9oC8DUxnwZalhAudczpQpbuiOJgXf_W6rUOBy0AzRRyLYC9edj8lo1iJxjWUPEEw8XnQ_O5gd26bxKAIzD3FTThxyIb2yUAGSoDP_ibMezM74IsSxm0bOwO3YgkHUnmCytT/s1600/IMG_3528.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2vY-6e2cxb9oC8DUxnwZalhAudczpQpbuiOJgXf_W6rUOBy0AzRRyLYC9edj8lo1iJxjWUPEEw8XnQ_O5gd26bxKAIzD3FTThxyIb2yUAGSoDP_ibMezM74IsSxm0bOwO3YgkHUnmCytT/s320/IMG_3528.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in her room I watcher her sleeping peacefully and
thought how gorgeous she looked even after surgery. Seriously. The night went
pretty well. She woke once to pee and didn’t quite make it and didn’t want to
walk. But fell asleep after a crazy few minutes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next day she woke to my parents (who live in Chicago) at
her bedside. That’s another thing. I called my mom and dad when I knew she had
to go into surgery. Without missing a beat, they said, “We’re flying out first
thing in the morning.” They really are the best. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I want iPad,” Smirker said. “And purple nails.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anesthsia didn’t change my girl a bit. She spent most of the
day watching movies and playing Candy Maker on my iPad. She and her Nama
planned the week they would have (purple nails included) and my dad wheeled her
around the peds floor in a wagon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Love Monster miss me,” Smirker said at one point.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yeah. We’ll see her soon,” I said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was a great patient. Except for when it came time to
take her Tylenol. And it didn’t help that the nurse would only push the plunger
down a TINY bit when Smirker finally let her give it to her. JUST DO IT ALL AT
ONCE. I wanted to scream. But nope. So Smirker started getting cranky. At one
point I tried to clean her face with a wash cloth and she was so pissed I did
that she licked her hand and wiped it on her face over and over saying “No
clean! No clean!” When I giggled she wiped her face even harder with her saliva
soaked hand. Man she needed pain medication and sleep. Stat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They let us go later that afternoon, even though Smirker
refused to try and walk. And the long awaited Smirker/Love Monster reunion
commenced! Within minutes LM accidentally smacked her sister in the stomach.
Should have seen that coming.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By the next day Smirker realized that taking Tylenol would
make her feel better and she started walking again. She was a little guarded
with her tummy, but other than that. She was totally back to normal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chalk that up to an obligatory parent experience. I was in
my kitchen after putting Smirker to sleep the night we came home. I threw away
a peanut butter cup wrapper and I started crying. My fiancé hugged me as he
realized it just hit me. I had been in
strong mom mode for about 24 hours straight and that chocolate peanut butter
perfection brought down my armor. You hear that saying “Your kids are your
heart outside your body.” I mean I still put my hand in front of their mouths
when they are sleeping to make sure they are breathing. There are times that
that saying is painfully clear. What hurts you the most is when someone you
love more then anything is hurting. And this was only her appendix.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-68527335148070482512013-05-11T11:03:00.000-07:002013-05-11T11:03:41.205-07:00Crying is for Closers (My pitch for motherhood)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
A friend of mine joked, “You guys really don’t sell it,” when
a couple other moms and I talked about parenthood. It got me thinking. We do
(Especially us mom bloggers) talk about the shit part a lot. Now I’m going to
sell it. At least I’m going to give it shot. Here it goes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take off the dirt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take out boogers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The tantrums.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fight for independence (<i>I am here!</i> Yes I heard you the first time.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The door slams.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The nagging.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The neediness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hair pulls.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The constant worry.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The scrapes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The puke<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The poop. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pee.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The spit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The eye boogers and neck crust.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sleeplessness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The crumb covered floors.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The ruined upholstery. The nicked furniture.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The marked walls. (Again, <i>I am here.</i>)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The amazing ability to impersonate a drunk, homeless person<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And you are left with pure light<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Genius<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Curiosity, strength<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are the heart outside your body. Raw and vulnerable.
Scary and beautiful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is your do-over.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are perfect. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That time they wouldn’t eat their pizza because it wasn’t <u>completely</u>
covered in pepperoni and they cried all through dinner balling up the pizza
into an unrecognizable ball of mush? They just want to be seen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are all that is good. All that is possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another human being to learn the reason for our lives—to connect,
to love and be loved, to learn
different is what makes this world perfect, to find they are amazing
individually, but we only work together. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They will fit you better then your favorite sweater to quote
Lana Del Rey.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the love…. The love and joy is better then a first kiss
or peanut butter and chocolate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This culmination of cells and blood is yours. And you know
they are<i> yours </i>because they are your
reflection. Even the parts you don’t want to see. They teach you everyday if
you listen and watch. They challenge you. They push every button you have. Do
not struggle. Surrender and they will be your life preserver. They will make
you better then you ever could be without them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes it’s your job to raise them to be exceptional human
beings, but they teach you the meaning of life. And also how to burp and fart
at the same time. And how to draw a unicorn and how to dress however you damn
well please.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the kicker.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can’t have the:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Middle of the night snuggles<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The messy kisses<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The moment they read a book themselves<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The heart stopping beautiful way they sleep<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The odd breakfasts in bed<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The dance parties</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The belly busting laughs<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The homemade cards <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The times they look at you with eyes from the future that
say <i>You are doing a good job with me,
please don’t cry.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The absolute unconditional love<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And more<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And more<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And on<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And on<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can’t have any of that without… The shit we bloggers
blog about.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgak3wCIe3h7JpZ7c9apivRMuG1Ruw4VtUnzf0U4ZKSaewJ7m4J5Cr1ktbMLVaF1ryFEl3ctdDuDhd77iwPjTAJoLvV2FFcA2jfNjxE9rOndFQ4P4209il2zxt9bc8xQjAAP8h4kugY0QRo/s1600/IMG_3048.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgak3wCIe3h7JpZ7c9apivRMuG1Ruw4VtUnzf0U4ZKSaewJ7m4J5Cr1ktbMLVaF1ryFEl3ctdDuDhd77iwPjTAJoLvV2FFcA2jfNjxE9rOndFQ4P4209il2zxt9bc8xQjAAP8h4kugY0QRo/s200/IMG_3048.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<!--EndFragment-->Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-37820659803262203312013-04-08T14:29:00.000-07:002013-04-08T17:34:45.000-07:00My Minis<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m just going to face this one. I figure if I put it all
out there I can move onto acceptance much faster. For years I’ve been hearing
people say, “You’re kids are just like you!” I’ve always half heard this taking
it like they look like me, which I see. But lately this observation made by the
masses has taken on a different meaning. They <i>are</i> just like me. They take on every habit I have. Shit!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]--><b>Spanking</b>-They love to spank every
single person they come in contact with. And they think it’s hilarious. I tell
them “No it’s not appropriate.” Then my boyfriend pointed out that I totally do
this. Not with strangers, but still. Oy….<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]--><b>The patented Beth “Errrr” sound</b>-
As in the short but effective “ERRR” I growl when I’m frustrated or annoyed. Smirker
has this DOWN.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]--><b>“Let’s do this thing!”</b>- It wasn’t until
I noticed my kids say this every time we left the house that I realized <i>I </i>say this every time we leave the
house. Huh. I really am predictable.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]--><b>Beer</b>- I really like beer. It’s yummy.
Every time I have one and Smirker is around, she tries to get it. She is
obsessed. I don’t let her have it, but man she wants it!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]--><b>The “I’m going to start a project right
before bed” thing</b>- Love Monster has this tendency to want to start a major
project about five minutes before bed. She has a burst of inspiration and must
create NOW. “Mama! I’m going to make princess and dragon puppet show!” She has
gathered all her art materials, and put two chairs together to be the stage and
begins designing the set. Then it becomes a whole deal trying to get her into
bed. I’m frustrated. She’s frustrated. I become the dream killer. Ahhhh! My
inner self then reminds me, you do this daily. When I get inspired to do
something, write something, organize something, I have to do it immediately or
I go nuts.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]--><b>The walk protest</b>- A zoo trip with the
two girls. That sounds lovely right? I have the stroller, snacks, I am ready.
And then Smirker pulls the “I’m just not gonna walk” card. She insists on my
carrying her the WHOLE TIME. And if I put her down she wails. And it’s hot.
Really damn hot. The day ends with them smiling and discussing how awesome the
snow leopards were, but I am a sweaty, cranky mess. Jeez Smirker! Where do you
get this from? Then I flash back to me in high school (Yes high school. I know.
Embarrassing), on my family trip to Washington D.C. I practically chained
myself to a bench by the Lincoln Memorial and refused to walk anymore. Yeah I
did that. What a brat. Sorry Mom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
And I’m sure there are more habits
I’ve passed on so let’s consider this part one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Can you keep a secret? I sort of
think all these things are cute. Sorta. In retrospect. They are my little
minis! They really are little sponges. My smiles faded a little bit as I wrote
that last sentence. We teach them everything. Weather we think about it or not.
We do. Something to be aware of as parents. So yes I have to break some of
these habits. But not the ERRR sound. That’s seriously adorable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-86798182590026306532013-03-01T10:05:00.000-08:002013-03-01T10:05:25.479-08:00Donna Day<br />
Waking up this morning with my girlies snuggling next to me, I grabbed my phone to fix my blurry eyes on some facebook before I started my day. My newsfeed was filled with my mom blogger friends posting about Donna.<br />
<br />
Today is Donna Day.<br />
<br />
I couldn't take my eyes off of this beautiful face on my screen.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOt_dMCUpLDhJutkINGFazFMn7KtidjLW475AfcG4X1gTUo4X2vcZAy2FOxBVW34UWnAjAB89Th_osXJMdZ0XvCbu7PurxZSpwQ1j-uc7p-2WNNjRhO8rphHb1v8z9QE5CHCc8cv2DAsVY/s1600/photo-113.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOt_dMCUpLDhJutkINGFazFMn7KtidjLW475AfcG4X1gTUo4X2vcZAy2FOxBVW34UWnAjAB89Th_osXJMdZ0XvCbu7PurxZSpwQ1j-uc7p-2WNNjRhO8rphHb1v8z9QE5CHCc8cv2DAsVY/s320/photo-113.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
Donna<br />
<br />
Smiker and Love Monster opened their eyes and looked as well.<br />
<br />
Smirker: Who that?<br />
<br />
Me: That's Donna.<br />
<br />
Smirker: I like the purple. Cover her owie?<br />
<br />
Me: Yeah.<br />
<br />
Love Monster: She looks so cool! I want her to come over and play.<br />
<br />
Me: Love Monster, she can't.<br />
<br />
And as if she somehow knew...<br />
<br />
Love Monster: Mama, did she grow up?<br />
<br />
Me (holding back tears): No babe.<br />
<br />
Love Monster: Oh. (She knew what I meant)<br />
<br />
Me: Let's try to help some kids like her today though.<br />
<br />
Love Monster and Smirker: YES!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
I fell in love with Donna about a year and half ago when I started reading Mary Tyler Mom's blog. Donna was her daughter. Donna died of an aggressive brain tumor in 2009 when she was 4 years old. When I read Donna's story, so beautifully written by her mother, my life changed. Donna will forever hold a piece of my heart. Her story made me hold my girl a little tighter. Her story made me sad and angry that cancer robs kids of their childhood and in some cases their lives. Her story made me want to help this cause as much as possible.<br />
<br />
So today is Donna day. Read her <a href="http://www.chicagonow.com/mary-tyler-mom/donnas-cancer-story-2/">story</a>. Check out <a href="http://www.stbaldricks.org/">St. Badrick's</a> and consider helping in some way. Pediatric cancer needs the funding. If you live in Illinois, you can donate when you do your taxes.<br />
<br />
Mary Tyler Mom and Dad also started<a href="http://www.donnasgoodthings.org/"> Donna's Good Things </a>to honor Donna and help kids with cancer find some good things.<br />
<br />
Kids are not supposed to die. Of course you all know that. But after reading Donna's story, it made it personal. Kids are not supposed to die. Donna was not supposed to die.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOWVyzs8BdXR_aLRsulR8Jtapx8dORQ1fpav3MCM8x57DIk9UxhyepVQI9vhzPEsxLlgxs_sCtFK2lrLtjjc5NFpWg_TGZOIcHs-Ez7YuneyOre0xbxzfN4DeJmgN7k6_ECUFlB_B8J3vp/s1600/donna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOWVyzs8BdXR_aLRsulR8Jtapx8dORQ1fpav3MCM8x57DIk9UxhyepVQI9vhzPEsxLlgxs_sCtFK2lrLtjjc5NFpWg_TGZOIcHs-Ez7YuneyOre0xbxzfN4DeJmgN7k6_ECUFlB_B8J3vp/s320/donna.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Love to you Mary Tyler Mom. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing Donna's story. <br />
<br />
And if any of you don't follow Mary Tyler Mom on Facebook, do it! She is such a great positive force in this world and funny as hell. (And she's a Chicagoan, so that makes her awesome.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-87889707067364402332013-02-16T15:21:00.002-08:002013-02-16T15:21:32.116-08:00Thank You.<br />
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">Love Monster’s kinder teachers are phenomenal. And LM worships them in her own six year old way (which usually means bringing them cool sticks she found on the way in and making them drawings of unicorns). I nearly break down in tears to see how much they love and support her. Seeing how amazing Love Monster’s teachers are got me thinking about my own. Two immediately came to mind. My sixth grade teacher and my theatre teacher in high school. I decided to track them down (I found them on linked in) and write them a letter of appreciation. Teachers do so much for you. They shape you. They believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. And at the time we don’t appreciate it at all and least not in the way retrospect can give you. Below is one of the letters I wrote:</span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><b>Dear Mrs. L,</b></span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span><b style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">There are teachers you remember. </b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<b style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">You are one of those teachers for me.</b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span><b style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Fifth and sixth grade… wow that was not the best time for me confidence wise. I was awkward and unsure. And though I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, you instilled confidence in me. And now decades later after high school and college and coming to LA in my twenties to be an actress, then getting married, having two kids, realizing my true dream is to become a children’s book author, publishing two epicture books, getting divorced… after all of that, I want to thank you for being one of the first outside my family to believe in me before I did.</b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">*Side note I posted my sixth grade pic the other day to give you an idea...</span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span><b style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">It’s been a long time since fifth and sixth grade! But I remember that time well. A few things stick out in particular. One, the poem. I remember the assignment. Write a poem describing something in detail without saying what it was. I did a poem about a rainbow and a pot of gold. I remember writing it with Sam and Ann. I felt so proud. My grandma even did a needlepoint of it! For some reason I didn’t remember that she made one for you as well. But when you mentioned you still had it when we touched base on LinkedIn, it gave me shivers. I still keep it by my desk. And it’s damn good I have to say! I use that poem when I do my author visits at elementary schools (doing those is a dream come true!). My writing career began in your classroom. When I discouraged, I look at it and the doubt floats away.</b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">Another memory M.G. brought back to the forefront of my mind. Bridge to Terabithia! I remember acting scenes out with her during our reading time. Again, that nurtured the love of storytelling that I have.</span></b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">And (drumroll please) my favorite memory? The prize you gave to your students when they passed all of the times tables tests: getting to check out the cab of your husband’s semi-truck. Oh my gosh. The best prize ever. It was the best motivation to getting those nines (and math was NOT my forte). Everyone in class couldn’t wait. We worked hard on doing those timed tests. And the prize was not a let down. I remember that day well. It was so cool!</span></b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">But what I remember most is just you. Your warmth and wisdom and patience and support. </span></b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">I wanted to write you to thank you. Thank you for being a teacher. Thank you for being</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><u style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: 20px;">my</u><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">teacher. You made a difference.</span></b></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="background-color: #f4f4f4; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">Take a second and appreciate the teachers that made a difference in your life. They are awesome!</span></div>
<br />
Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5944534491512063849.post-87114777027064342602012-12-05T13:02:00.000-08:002012-12-05T13:02:07.590-08:00Mother of Poop<br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">That is me. Mother of Poop.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Poopy Mama!” is their new favorite thing to call me.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And it’s not just me, pretty much anyone they know is called Poopy ________ (just fill in your name). They find this hilarious. And they love to make their stuffed animals poop and fart. Oy I thought girls weren't like this!</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I was taking a shower the other day and my two naked girls burst in and joined me. “We love taking showers with you!” And Smirker pointed to my butt, ‘BOOTIE! POOP!” Sigh... Super funny ladies.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I am in a poop filled world and can’t escape it. But I embrace it. Bring it.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I wrote about Love Monster’s potty training so I only think it’s fair I write about Smirker’s. And it’s been entertaining. The day we began. I was ready. I took a deep breath. <i>This will happen in it’s own time. Don’t rush her. Be patient. </i>I told myself. I stripped her down to only a shirt. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">WEEEEEEE! This girl loves to be naked. I put out the potty and wait. Then Smirker disappears to her room for bit... hmmmmm. She comes out giggling. She points to her room and says “POOP!”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Awww man. She took a gigantic dump on her bedroom floor. Nearly as big as her head. For real. She reenacts it all day. Bearing down and laughing. “Poop!”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Love Monster is not thrilled. “I can’t believe Smirker pooped in my room,” she says forlornly. “And it was so big.”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The fact that Smirker pooped on the floor made me realize potty training might go well believe it or not. I’ve heard stories about how kids are afraid to poop in the potty. The floor is not that far off right? And I think she gets the whole potty thing! I explained it, demonstrated with her precious monkey and she retained it later! She totally got the whole peeing this right away!</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The pooping... Not so much. Now that she is in daycare/preschool I put her in chonies (underwear for those of you who don’t know) for school and everyday I come home with a poop bag. Laundry day I have a whole pile of plastic bags with her name written on a piece of paper stapled on it. Ugh. Gross. Then the Poo Clothes Incident happened.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It was a normal laundry day. Threw the clothes in the washer. Came back to switch to the dryer. I opened up the washer and... how do I describe this, it was like I put in poop scented soap. What the hell. I search through the wet clothes and I find it. A perfectly laundered piece of poop. Horrified might describe how I was feeling. I forgot one of her damn poop bags and threw it into the washer. Poo clothes. Yummy! I had to rewash the clothes 3 times. I sniffed them obsessively. I shoved them in my boyfriend’s face. “Do you smell poop?? I think I smell poop. Smell it!” </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So this is where we are at. Since then there have been no more poop clothes incidents (thank God). She has pooped in the potty three times! And I throw a freaking parade every time. But that poop bag still comes home from school. Sigh... Smirker I know you can do it! Send out your poop prayers people. We need it.</span></div>
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Mother-nakedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726050480937493351noreply@blogger.com2