Wednesday, April 9, 2014

My plan to get my girls to talk to me when they are teenagers

Oh you’re already laughing. I can tell. Shut up! I’m serious. I’m going to make this happen. Hear me out, ‘kay?

Growing up I was about as open as Cersi in Game of Thrones. I look back and wish things were different with my parents. Particularly my mom. I was not easy to say the least. I was an enigma as only a teenage daughter can be. Why did I shut down? I don’t know. I felt when they asked me how my day was, it was prying. When they said, “Let’s talk.” The walls went up hard core. I always felt like it was scheduled. Now is the time you tell us all the intimate details of your life and we will judge you and tell you your choices are wrong.  Now of course I know that's not true. My parents are the nicest, most loving people. But from a teenager’s perspective the parents are the enemy. They are the people hindering you from growing up. You are their kid. Forever their kid.

So now.… what can I do so this doesn’t happen with my girls? And I have two of me. Oy. Is it too much to ask for the Lorelai/Rory relationship?? Probably. I already see the signs. I ask them what they did at school, they say they don’t want to talk about it. They go to their room and don’t want me to come in. In fact Love Monster was mad at me the other day because I asked her to practice her spelling words. (I really am such a tyrant.)  She ran to her room and slammed the door. I didn't follow her so she re-slammed the door to make sure I got the message. Geez.

What can I do?

I will listen to them. When they talk, I listen.

I will not judge them. Be open.

I will tell them every day that they are important. And I will show them everyday that they are important by putting them before my to do lists.

I will sing them the goodnight song every night. “Good night good night again I say good night. I love the Love  Monster/Smirker I love her face. I want to kiss her all over the place.” Then kiss them like crazy.

I will never shame them.

I will compliment them on their smarts and strength not just their beauty.

I will not yell. I will not yell. I will not yell.

I will let them be themselves. Every bit themselves.

I will not make talking intimidating or scheduled. It will be over dinner, folding laundry, walks to the park, everywhere and anywhere.

And I will hope that when their clock strikes thirteen the walls will stay down. That they will trust in the foundation we’ve built. And talk to me. And if they don't, know that they will come back to me. And be open and ready when that moment comes.

I really enjoy having a plan by the way. I blame my mom. But you know what happens with best laid plans…. I don’t want them to be like I was. I had an iron wall around me and no one got in. Especially her. My mom. And it didn't feel good. Now to put on some Gilmore Girls and fantasize a bit….

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