Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Hold Me

It started a few weeks ago. No real trigger. Out of the blue. But it was obvious and unignorable. The girl’s clingy factor undoubtedly increased. Hold me. Lay with me. Cuddle with me. They would press up against me, standing or sitting. Unabashed full body draping while I lay on the couch. Carrying them from room to room. Clinging to my leg while I do laundry. At dinner having to be right next to me and getting upset that there is a three-inch table leg between us. They just want some sort of contact. They burrow in so close, readjusting so many times just to get…. closer. It seemed a little odd, but lovely. And, I hate to admit it, inconvenient at times. It’s hard to safely strain pasta when a four year old is gripped to my chest like a little baby monkey. Being the Virgo I am, I analyzed this cuddle amplification with a pie chart.

I came to the conclusion that it was just a kid thing. Kids are wonderful at just asking for what they want. So this outpouring of cuddles was just that. It wasn’t a big deal.

Until today.

Today all the stresses in my life came to a head. Nothing huge just lots of little every day life stuff. But I lost it.

And then that little voice in my head said, “See? Kids are magic.”

Because it was like these little ones of mine had been filling up my love well. Banking it up. Like they knew I would need it. Now I’m sure they didn’t consciously know. But I was grateful. I was fall-to-the-floor grateful. I gave them even more cuddles then they asked for today. It got me thinking about that thing above I thought “wasn’t a big deal.”

It occurred to me, if my kids want love and affection, they just go for it. No shame. They need it, they go after it. That struck me deep. I admired that. That made me feel so happy, then I felt a small desperation in my heart. There will be a time when they won’t share their love so freely with me I’m sure. So I will take that big pie piece of “hold me” and bank it up. Because I know that pie slice will get smaller. It will. I know it will.

I struggled with feeling accepted and loved growing up. I knew my parents loved me, it was everyone else that was my concern at the time. And to now get an avalanche of love piled on me on a daily basis is just fine with me. These two little beautiful beings love me for everything I am. Wow. That’s pretty damn amazing. I hope they see the good in everyone like they see in me. I will treasure this time with them. These two teach me lessons everyday. We all need to be held. Am I saying you only find acceptance in hugs? No. But it sure doesn’t hurt!

I’m going to kiss them and hug them whenever I want, while I can, before they become teens and motherly affection becomes the Ebola virus. Man, I love this huge affectionate pie slice they are serving up at this point in their lives.

Oh and this isn’t limited to kiddos, if I want a full body contact hug and you’re busy looking over the mail, I might go ahead and hug you. Life is too short.