It started a few
weeks ago. No real trigger. Out of the blue. But it was obvious and unignorable.
The girl’s clingy factor undoubtedly increased. Hold me. Lay with me. Cuddle
with me. They would press up against me, standing or sitting. Unabashed full
body draping while I lay on the couch. Carrying them from room to room. Clinging
to my leg while I do laundry. At dinner having to be right next to me and
getting upset that there is a three-inch table leg between us. They just want
some sort of contact. They burrow in so close, readjusting so many times just to get…. closer. It seemed a little odd, but lovely. And, I
hate to admit it, inconvenient at times. It’s hard to safely strain pasta when
a four year old is gripped to my chest like a little baby monkey. Being the
Virgo I am, I analyzed this cuddle amplification with a pie chart.
I came to the
conclusion that it was just a kid thing. Kids are wonderful at just asking for
what they want. So this outpouring of cuddles was just that. It wasn’t a big
deal.
Until today.
Today all the
stresses in my life came to a head. Nothing huge just lots of little every day
life stuff. But I lost it.
And then that
little voice in my head said, “See? Kids are magic.”
Because it was
like these little ones of mine had been filling up my love well. Banking it up.
Like they knew I would need it. Now I’m sure they didn’t consciously know. But
I was grateful. I was fall-to-the-floor grateful. I gave them even more cuddles then they asked
for today. It got me thinking about that thing above I thought “wasn’t a big
deal.”
It occurred to
me, if my kids want love and affection, they just go for it. No shame. They need
it, they go after it. That struck me deep. I admired that. That made me feel so
happy, then I felt a small desperation in my heart. There will be a time when
they won’t share their love so freely with me I’m sure. So I will take that big
pie piece of “hold me” and bank it up. Because I know that pie slice will get
smaller. It will. I know it will.
I struggled with
feeling accepted and loved growing up. I knew my parents loved me, it was
everyone else that was my concern at the time. And to now get an avalanche of
love piled on me on a daily basis is just fine with me. These two little
beautiful beings love me for everything I am. Wow. That’s pretty damn amazing.
I hope they see the good in everyone like they see in me. I will treasure this
time with them. These two teach me lessons everyday. We all need to be held. Am
I saying you only find acceptance in hugs? No. But it sure doesn’t hurt!
I’m going to kiss
them and hug them whenever I want, while I can, before they become teens and
motherly affection becomes the Ebola virus. Man, I love this huge
affectionate pie slice they are serving up at this point in their lives.
Oh and this isn’t
limited to kiddos, if I want a full body contact hug and you’re busy looking
over the mail, I might go ahead and hug you. Life is too short.
