Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Mother of Poop

That is me. Mother of Poop.

“Poopy Mama!” is their new favorite thing to call me.

And it’s not just me, pretty much anyone they know is called Poopy ________ (just fill in your name). They find this hilarious. And they love to make their stuffed animals poop and fart. Oy I thought girls weren't like this!

I was taking a shower the other day and my two naked girls burst in and joined me. “We love taking showers with you!” And Smirker pointed to my butt, ‘BOOTIE! POOP!” Sigh... Super funny ladies.

I am in a poop filled world and can’t escape it. But I embrace it. Bring it.

I wrote about Love Monster’s potty training so I only think it’s fair I write about Smirker’s. And it’s been entertaining. The day we began. I was ready. I took a deep breath. This will happen in it’s own time. Don’t rush her. Be patient. I told myself. I stripped her down to only a shirt. 

WEEEEEEE! This girl loves to be naked. I put out the potty and wait. Then Smirker disappears to her room for bit... hmmmmm. She comes out giggling. She points to her room and says “POOP!”

Awww man. She took a gigantic dump on her bedroom floor. Nearly as big as her head. For real. She reenacts it all day. Bearing down and laughing. “Poop!”

Love Monster is not thrilled. “I can’t believe Smirker pooped in my room,” she says forlornly. “And it was so big.”

The fact that Smirker pooped on the floor made me realize potty training might go well believe it or not. I’ve heard stories about how kids are afraid to poop in the potty. The floor is not that far off right? And I think she gets the whole potty thing! I explained it, demonstrated with her precious monkey and she retained it later! She totally got the whole peeing this right away!

The pooping... Not so much. Now that she is in daycare/preschool I put her in chonies (underwear for those of you who don’t know) for school and everyday I come home with a poop bag. Laundry day I have a whole pile of plastic bags with her name written on a piece of paper stapled on it.  Ugh. Gross. Then the Poo Clothes Incident happened.

It was a normal laundry day. Threw the clothes in the washer. Came back to switch to the dryer. I opened up the washer and... how do I describe this, it was like I put in poop scented soap.  What the hell. I search through the wet clothes and I find it. A perfectly laundered piece of poop. Horrified might describe how I was feeling. I forgot one of her damn poop bags and threw it into the washer. Poo clothes. Yummy! I had to rewash the clothes 3 times. I sniffed them obsessively. I shoved them in my boyfriend’s face. “Do you smell poop?? I think I smell poop. Smell it!” 

So this is where we are at. Since then there have been no more poop clothes incidents (thank God). She has pooped in the potty three times! And I throw a freaking parade every time. But that poop bag still comes home from school. Sigh... Smirker I know you can do it! Send out your poop prayers people. We need it.


  1. You make my life so much better...Thank you for having just as many issues as the rest of us... Okay, some might be a tad MORE than the rest of us..

    1. WTH? I'm "unknown" hell, that's a ego blower. FYI - Michael, dammit!