I saw a mom in Target the other day. She was down the aisle
from me trying to pick out some body wash. She had two kids with her and she
was hanging on by a thread. Her toddler was crying. The (maybe) seven year old
was touching everything in sight. “Stop it!” she snapped.
Another woman in the aisle with us shook her head
disapprovingly.
Me? I wanted to hug that frazzled mom. I wanted to hug her
and tell her, “We’re not perfect. You’re having a bad day. It’s okay. Let’s go
get an Icee.” I should have, but I didn’t. She hurried away clearly having lost
it, feeling the daggers from the other woman in the aisle.
A couple years ago I would have been that other woman in the
aisle. Easily.
But then I was judged and was called a bad mom and that
reeled me in hardcore.
Try not to judge
I’m tired of that judgmental reaction so perfectly displayed
by the woman in Target. I’m tired of the lack of compassion I see. I used to
make many judgments of moms. Before I became a mom. After I became a mom.
I saw parents with their kids on leashes and thought that
was horrible. Now I know better.
“Oh their parents need to just teach them that’s not okay!” I’ve
heard other moms say.
Oh it’s as simple as that is it? That kid on a leash might
be a “runner.” They might be autistic or have impulse control issues. That
leash might save them from running into the street and getting hit by a car. It
might save them from getting lost in the crowd. Do not judge. Don’t rush to
blame parents for their kid’s behavior. It may not necessarily be their fault.
Be kind
There are quotes flying around facebook: “You can be right
or be kind. If you choose to be kind, you will always be right.” and “Be kind,
for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I don’t care who thinks it’s
cheesy. It is gospel. We tear each other down. Let’s stop. Be kind.
Think: What if it was
me?
I hear a lot of, “That would NEVER happen to me.” “I would
NEVER do that.” I call bullshit. You don’t KNOW. I saw a horrific story about
parents who had left their kids in the backseat accidentally and their children
died from the heat. And you know how many comments were, “I would NEVER do
that!” ? Most of them and that broke my
heart. You don’t KNOW. But these parents who thought their children were
somewhere safe are now raising awareness to the fact that things like this can
happen to anyone.
Please just take a second to think when you feel that rush
to judgment: What if it was me?
We make mistakes. Sometimes huge ones. We have to forgive
each other and ourselves.
Have tolerance.
We parents, for the most part, are doing the best we can.
Things aren’t going to go right all the time. The parents shoveling down their
dinner while their newborn baby is crying hysterically in the restaurant? Be
tolerant. Remember when that was you? This might be the only time they get out
of the house this week.
It takes a village.
Yes. More cheesy-ness! Bring it on. We’re all in this together. Why do you
think there are so many mom blogs? We want to feel less alone. All this
judgment isolates us. That is not what we need. As mothers. As people. In this
world of billions we can’t try to claim our own little corner and want to be
better then everyone else. We’re in this together and that’s nice isn’t it? And
if you are judgmental, I hope you’re don’t think I’m judging you. We all have
reasons why we do the things we do. Anyone can change. Maybe next time you see
that mom or dad struggling with their kids in the grocery store, offer up a
little compassion (even if it’s silently). It makes all the difference. It can
turn it all around. Not to mention, you’re kids soak up everything you do. If
you are kind, they will be. It’s win-win, when you’re nice it feels good. Try
it, lady-in-the-aisle-at-Target.
Here is a link to part of one this blog first published on
Mamiverse:
http://www.mamiverse.com/mom-breaking-point-42805
